Muslim marriage for foreigners - cultural question

[marcus]

... I am firm in my decision not to do it ... They need to understand that I am bule and have also my own way of doing things ... My approach would be to meet them first and then see how it goes but of course be firm in my decision not to do the procedure. She is panicking thoigh that she has to go against her family if her father doesn’t approve of that (and the marriage).

I first did think it was not mandatory , but after checking in the internet , it seems that in Indonesia most Muslims consider it mandatory . So if you intend to sincerely tell her father that you will not do it , I think that you two should expect a possibility to lose all relations with your fiancée's father and some others in her family . It may be very hard to her .

I did hear 2 cases in my city where the majority of the women's family did cut relations with them after they married with men (1 foreigner , 1 Indonesian) of a different religion . I guess this is not common , but it can happen .