Why Indonesia...?

[Shadrach]

Oh Dear Balifrog, The purpose of this thread was to hear all the various reasons we all ended up here. I told you, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, by critiquing your post. But When you stated what a gentleman you were by not going to kick her out, and Thanks for the Fish! I was stunned by such a crude remark! A Woman is more than a smelly Fish! That kind of remark is so locker room boys talk. I have liked your posts on cooking delicious meals, and the photos you posted. But your Chauvinist and Nationalist attitude, towards Women, rubs me the wrong way!
It's your right to be this way! And I will respect that.

 

[Balifrog]

Oh Dear Balifrog, The purpose of this thread was to hear all the various reasons we all ended up here. I told you, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, by critiquing your post. But When you stated what a gentleman you were by not going to kick her out, and Thanks for the Fish! I was stunned by such a crude remark! A Woman is more than a smelly Fish! That kind of remark is so locker room boys talk. I have liked your posts on cooking delicious meals, and the photos you posted. But your Chauvinist and Nationalist attitude, towards Women, rubs me the wrong way!
It's your right to be this way! And I will respect that.

Same answer....
You don't know shit about Asian women...
So, abstain of commenting. It simply makes you look more and more silly.

Still waiting for your story and your food pictures.....

BTW, I as an American I know English is not your forte but try to educate yourselve....

IN MY VIEW: So long and thanks for the fish

“So long, and thanks for all the fish” is a humorous idiom used to say goodbye, acknowledging the positive experiences received during the time spent. This comes from The Hitchhiker’s

www.triplicate.com

 

[Shadrach]

Hey Man, Chill out with all the Anger, and insults! Post #5 is my Coming to Bali story. Sorry I don't use, (The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy) as my go to source of American Slang. There is a derogatory term relating Women to Fish, in other sources of Slang! And insulting Women or Anyone is not Nice!

 

[Balifrog]

Hey Man, Chill out with all the Anger, and insults! Post #5 is my Coming to Bali story. Sorry I don't use, (The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy) as my go to source of American Slang. There is a derogatory term relating Women to Fish, in other sources of Slang! And insulting Women or Anyone is not Nice!

Your post #5 is gone...

 

[Shadrach]

Your post #5 is gone...

Not on my iPad or iPhone. You must have locked me out of your account somehow. Bad_Ass reminded you on post#17. It was just my story of coming here and feeling more at home than my home country. Especially Now! I just watched an awful moment at the Oval Office where T_Rump and J.D. made complete Fools of themselves, yelling at Zelensky.
But that's a post for the Trumponomics thread. Not here.
Sorry no post yet about my cooking. I live alone and only make small meals just for myself. But last night I cooked a delicious Thai green curry with prawns, to put over Red Rice. Very delicious! I even sprinkled Thai Basil on top, that I grow myself. Delicious, but not very photogenic.

 

[fastpitch17]

Let's see. With the commenter in charge hovering over evey post I think it best to keep it short avoiding information for his fuel.
35 or so years ago I promised my wife we would return in a permanate basis to Indonesia upon retirement. We did that in 2012.

Now I live a life of a free thinking dreamer who likes DIY and BBQ. My eye sight isn't what it used to be but I have developed a skill of spotting bull shit and phony ism a kilometer or more away. Much easier to identify stupid so I can turn the lower cheek and walk away. I do not live alone so I am not desperate for attention. I support the forgotten ones the best I can and give fingers to those who relish or pretend to being wealthy or in power.

Everything in between the above paragraphed is my business and us not available for the comment nazi.

Have a wonderful coming week to the majority of you. It's Ramadan. Restaurants are mostly empty and peaceful for lunch now. Of course there are all those that want to hide from any ridicule they might get. With all the hijabers having lunch I can only think that they must all be menstruating. Amazing that some come in groups. Damn, they timed that right I guess.

 

[atlantis]

Back in 1998 I sold a company I created when I was a student.

At that time I was just fed up with the way my country was run and the prospect it could offer. I felt I should just go and find a place to settle and have a family.

I bought a cheap last minute ticket to Shanghai, packed my stuff and knew I would never use the return portion of it. Then I started to travel Asia, a continent I knew already quite well.

In early 2000 I arrived in Indonesia with no special expectations till I visited Manado, the City I live in now. Not only I fell in love with the City and its language, but also with one of its citizen.

At that time I was in my early thirties and had spent a maximum of 15 years in my native country so I didn’t have a strong sense of belonging to it, having lived already in several different country as a kid and having visited over 80 countries.

I am now 55 and there is no country on Earth where I have spent more time than Indonesia and if I belong somewhere it’s definitely here.

Indonesia, my lovely City of Manado and its inhabitants, have given me much more than I would have expected, despite their flaws, and definitely more than the country I was born in.

Sure, not all is perfect here and as anyone else there is things I would like to see changing but I know at all time that I have a great deal by staying here.

There is now 13 years that I didn’t visit France or Europe and I don’t miss it. I am obviously culturally French, love fine cuisine, art and architecture, but for the rest I have become Indonesian and I am happy with the way the country do.

Having grown three kids here, everyday has been a relief knowing they were safe due to a very low criminality compared to where I came from.

Here I have created and manage a business who allow us to have a way greater life than most people I know back in Europe, even at Executive level. I am the first generation of immigrant but I am already confident that the foundation we have set will allow my kids and their kids a nice life whichever decision they take.

My kids have grown up here and have become well balanced individuals, considerate, polite, holding values I respect and I am every minute proud of what they are becoming, having made themselves the best of the two Culture they share.

In all honestly, if I would have not taken the decision to leave my country 25+ years ago I have no doubt that the above paragraphs wouldn’t sound as dithyrambic as they are.
Thanks to Indonesia and Indonesian… even if sometimes some get on my nerves.

 

[harryopal1]

Back in 1998 I sold a company I created when I was a student.

At that time I was just fed up with the way my country was run and the prospect it could offer. I felt I should just go and find a place to settle and have a family.

I bought a cheap last minute ticket to Shanghai, packed my stuff and knew I would never use the return portion of it. Then I started to travel Asia, a continent I knew already quite well.

In early 2000 I arrived in Indonesia with no special expectations till I visited Manado, the City I live in now. Not only I fell in love with the City and its language, but also with one of its citizen.

At that time I was in my early thirties and had spent a maximum of 15 years in my native country so I didn’t have a strong sense of belonging to it, having lived already in several different country as a kid and having visited over 80 countries.

I am now 55 and there is no country on Earth where I have spent more time than Indonesia and if I belong somewhere it’s definitely here.

Indonesia, my lovely City of Manado and its inhabitants, have given me much more than I would have expected, despite their flaws, and definitely more than the country I was born in.

Sure, not all is perfect here and as anyone else there is things I would like to see changing but I know at all time that I have a great deal by staying here.

There is now 13 years that I didn’t visit France or Europe and I don’t miss it. I am obviously culturally French, love fine cuisine, art and architecture, but for the rest I have become Indonesian and I am happy with the way the country do.

Having grown three kids here, everyday has been a relief knowing they were safe due to a very low criminality compared to where I came from.

Here I have created and manage a business who allow us to have a way greater life than most people I know back in Europe, even at Executive level. I am the first generation of immigrant but I am already confident that the foundation we have set will allow my kids and their kids a nice life whichever decision they take.

My kids have grown up here and have become well balanced individuals, considerate, polite, holding values I respect and I am every minute proud of what they are becoming, having made them the best of the two Culture they share.

In all honestly, if I would have not taken the decision to leave my country 25+ years ago I have no doubt that the above paragraphs wouldn’t sound as dithyrambic as they are.
Thanks to Indonesia and Indonesian… even if sometimes some get on my nerves.

Not to mention fluency in at least three languages. Congratulations on your successful adventure.

 

[flying kiwi]

Why did you come here, why do you stay, what is it about Indonesia that drew you to the place? Are you just visiting? Exploring the world? Or locked in through family matters that make it hard to leave?
I am curious because I see such differing views being posted, I see negative cynics, arrogant asses, those who haven't adapted really because they don't learn the language or try to immerse but sit behind their walls keeping distance and I see those who are mooching through the mountains and jungles fully conversant with the local people and customs.
~~~
I came here because I wanted to visit friends I had here, I came & fell in love with the place.
I am still in love with it but I am also realistic about the pros and cons of living here.
I can honestly say we have a long-term happy & contented relationship , Indonesia & I. I am not fluent in the language but I have a decent grasp of 2 of the languages here. I am not fully conversant with the culture, but I don't really want to be, I enjoy the "magic" of observing without always understanding... so what about you 'orrible lot?

Hi great conversational question, to be perfectly honest I am travelling North Sulawesi with a friend on holiday from NZ and am hoping to meet a nice Indonesian woman . I love what I have seen of the family type values still here in Manado , and this is what I am seeking. I have never been on a dating app in my life, and I dont like the idea as most of them seem to be based on a person looks not personality. So meeting a few locals, but not really sure on the direction LOL. Any CONSTRUCTIVE advise ?

 

[Shadrach]

Hi great conversational question, to be perfectly honest I am travelling North Sulawesi with a friend on holiday from NZ and am hoping to meet a nice Indonesian woman . I love what I have seen of the family type values still here in Manado , and this is what I am seeking. I have never been on a dating app in my life, and I dont like the idea as most of them seem to be based on a person looks not personality. So meeting a few locals, but not really sure on the direction LOL. Any CONSTRUCTIVE advise ?

Be Careful! Many Women see you only as a walking ATM! They can use their beauty to make you melt like butter. First, it starts out with buy me this dress, or this piece of jewelry, then comes Oh My Grandmother died or is in the hospital, and thats much more $. And if you really have taken the bait, you marry, and buy a house., Motorbike, or car, ( In Her Name). Soon the entire family shows up, and You are responsible for any of their debts, or Needs. then The Grandmother somehow dies again?
So I say have fun, wear condoms, and keep your money in the Bank! Especially don't trust girls from the bars! They already have another 2 or3 guys sending them money from back home, telling them She's waiting patiently for them, but need money every month to help her sick Mother or Father! I hope this has been constructive advice for You!

 

[flying kiwi]

Be Careful! Many Women see you only as a walking ATM! They can use their beauty to make you melt like butter. First, it starts out with buy me this dress, or this piece of jewelry, then comes Oh My Grandmother died or is in the hospital, and thats much more $. And if you really have taken the bait, you marry, and buy a house., Motorbike, or car, ( In Her Name). Soon the entire family shows up, and You are responsible for any of their debts, or Needs. then The Grandmother somehow dies again?
So I say have fun, wear condoms, and keep your money in the Bank! Especially don't trust girls from the bars! They already have another 2 or3 guys sending them money from back home, telling them She's waiting patiently for them, but need money every month to help her sick Mother or Father! I hope this has been constructive advice for You!

hey much appretiated , there's nothing like local knowledge. I'm a pretty trusting guy so quite easy to take for a ride , but now a lot more aware. Cheers

 

[marcus]

... Oh My Grandmother died or is in the hospital ... Soon the entire family shows up, and You are responsible for any of their debts, or Needs ...

These situations did happen to me , but I see them as normal because my ex-wife and present wife was/is both from poor families and in Indonesia it is common that relatives (and even friends) in need ask for help .
To me , it is/was nothing I have/had to be careful about as I know/knew I am/was not dealing with rich & spoiled girls .

 

[Bad_azz]

I would say just be yourself and take the sensible precautions that a responsible adult would take in any country , especially one where you would imagine massive child support payments- ie marriage.
It seems to me that here, males who get into trouble are the ones looking for easy sexual relationships with little to no consequence.
Don't flout your finances, play 'em close to your chest and be up front with any girls who interest you.
I have never had any issues with my husband or his family trying to use me as an atm- but from the start , although I have always been helpful towards the family, I had boundaries: if one of them had no work & I had stuff I needed doing, I would pay them to help, for example help with cleaning the house one sister in law or the other would come do it on a sporadic or temporary basis. If I needed some building work doing a bro in law would come & help. & I would pay them the regular daily rate plus an extra 50k or so.

On occasion one or other of them has needed money to help them out- I have gifted if it was a new child or wedding, and loaned if it was a business idea with a set repayment plan- they have always paid back except my eldest nephew who is young & learnt a life lesson-he can't come back and ask again.

Relationship advice in general- avoid the needy, manipulative types- "you don't love me if you don't do this/that/the other. " "I will do this if you do that" etc. no matter what country, they are the road to misery.

What I did on day one with my pre-hubby was sit down and talk honestly with him- & I mean deepest darkest tales/ aspirations/ what I want from life/ what I do not want from life/ what he wanted/didn't want - we got all of that out of the way very early on, we married within 3 months of meeting and have been a very tight unit since then- about 13 years, so far. I see myself as very lucky that I have a good marriage and a lovely extended family.

Try not to be too sceptical and distrustful, not everyone is out to take your money, but most humans would if you made it easy to do so.

 

[Shadrach]

These situations did happen to me , but I see it as normal because my ex-wife and present wife was/are both from poor family and in Indonesia it is common that relatives (and even friends) in need ask for help .
To me , it is/was nothing I have to be careful about as I know/knew I am/was not dealing with rich & spoiled girls .

Yes it is normal in a situation where the people are truly in need. I was referring to Young Girls tricking Foreigners out of their money, with lies, and repeating the lies. And I don't think it's Normal for the new Wife's entire family to move into your new House that you bought for You and Her!
Just because you came from a more affluent Country doesn't makes you responsible for other People's hardships! Sure you can help, but you should not be required to do it again and again for an entire family. What did they do, before you came along?

 

[Bad_azz]

Yes it is normal in a situation where the people are truly in need. I was referring to Young Girls tricking Foreigners out of their money, with lies, and repeating the lies. And I don't think it's Normal for the new Wife's entire family to move into your new House that you bought for You and Her!
Just because you came from a more affluent Country doesn't makes you responsible for other People's hardships! Sure you can help, but you should not be required to do it again and again for an entire family. What did they do, before you came along?

It is normal for families to live together in one house. Having them all move in against your wishes is something that should be discussed before marriage- but I try to balance things this way- if it was me/my own family would I expect my husband to do the same- example if my mother needed to live with us would it be an issue- if not then I should extend the same courtesey.

 

[Shadrach]

It is normal for families to live together in one house. Having them all move in against your wishes is something that should be discussed before marriage- but I try to balance things this way- if it was me/my own family would I expect my husband to do the same- example if my mother needed to live with us would it be an issue- if not then I should extend the same courtesey.

Your right about that this should have been discussed before marriage. I can understand if your Mother, or your Husband's mother or Father, or another member of the family needed to move in, But Not the Entire Family! This is your home for you and your mate. And like you said a Mother, Father, or another member in need to move in.
I knew a man in Bali that had built a nice House above Ubud in Sayan area, He made the mistake of not setting any boundaries about the Wife's family moving in, and soon Her entire family came and just took over the entire place. He said He didn't like it, but went along with it.

 

[Hawk256]

Be Careful! Many Women see you only as a walking ATM! They can use their beauty to make you melt like butter. First, it starts out with buy me this dress, or this piece of jewelry, then comes Oh My Grandmother died or is in the hospital, and thats much more $. And if you really have taken the bait, you marry, and buy a house., Motorbike, or car, ( In Her Name). Soon the entire family shows up, and You are responsible for any of their debts, or Needs. then The Grandmother somehow dies again?
So I say have fun, wear condoms, and keep your money in the Bank! Especially don't trust girls from the bars! They already have another 2 or3 guys sending them money from back home, telling them She's waiting patiently for them, but need money every month to help her sick Mother or Father! I hope this has been constructive advice for You!

Be careful who you take advice from. Some people have absolutely zero experience with the topic they claim to be an expert on. There are people with questionable motives everywhere and you have to use some common sense. There are also some genuinely kind people just looking for a partner.

 

[flying kiwi]

These situations did happen to me , but I see it as normal because my ex-wife and present wife was/is both from poor families and in Indonesia it is common that relatives (and even friends) in need ask for help .
To me , it is/was nothing I have/had to be careful about as I know/knew I am/was not dealing with rich & spoiled girls .

thats a great attitude to have, the poverty here is very obvious . And if a partner is gratefull and easy to live with (mostly) then its probrably the easier road in the long run. We are going to visit the tomahon area this weekend and meet some locals a local guy is driving us up , his wife is from there and invited us to a gathering , he says they are of dutch decent and very down to earth sincere and hard work people. So maybe........ It seems to me Indonesia has so many diverse cultures that prob cant generalise about Indonesians as a whole. But I am glad to hear of potential pitfalls

 

[flying kiwi]

Be careful who you take advice from. Some people have absolutely zero experience with the topic they claim to be an expert on. There are people with questionable motives everywhere and you have to use some common sense. There are also some genuinely kind people just looking for a partner.

Hey that's encouraging to hear thanks. I've dated a few girls from NZ but hmmm the kiwi culture has really changed even from 10 years ago. I blame it on social media. many woman are now only looking for the perfect partner that ticks all the boxes. 6 foot, 6 figures, 6 pack , and 6 in..hes . I only tick one of those boxes

 

[flying kiwi]

Your right about that this should have been discussed before marriage. I can understand if your Mother, or your Husband's mother or Father, or another member of the family needed to move in, But Not the Entire Family! This is your home for you and your mate. And like you said a Mother, Father, or another member in need to move in.
I knew a man in Bali that had built a nice House above Ubud in Sayan area, He made the mistake of not setting any boundaries about the Wife's family moving in, and soon Her entire family came and just took over the entire place. He said He didn't like it, but went along with it.

theres some very different cultural norms / expectations. I love the idea that families stick together , but .... hmmmm