So a guy is hiking in the mountains. He is thirsty and runs out of water. He stops at the first tiny house he sees and knocks on the door. A cute girl opens the door and gives him something to drink. After some flirting she says to him; "You can stay here if you want but if you really want success you have to go up more." He is intrigued by her words and decides to follow the track.
Then he arrives at a villa and a beautiful girl opens the door. She tells him something similar: "If you want to succeed you need to continue." So the scenario repeats itself when he continues and the houses get bigger and bigger and the girls get more and more beautiful. The drinks go from water to orange juice to a Petrus to a Dom Perignon.
Still, he is determined now to succeed, and forces himself to continue on his way to success.
The final residence on the mountain is a large palace. With anticipation he knocks on the door.....when it opens he sees a big black dude, only wearing a towel.
The man says in a deep and heavy voice: "My name is Ces."
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. I know this for a fact..
An elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved " I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars! Jerry said, We've got to give it back. Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door." Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No." Jerry said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The Police turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Jerry said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday."
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, "Were outta here!"
With No Disrespects!
A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race. Next race, as he horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses. The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning. The bookie was elated.He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's next blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he had on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn't even finish the race. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was standing.
Confronting him, he exclaimed, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance.
Now, thanks to you I've lost all my money!" The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. “You aren't Catholic are you my son?" "No, I'm Jewish."
"That's the problem", said the Priest, "you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites."