Why Indonesia...?

[Balifrog]

I never understood, Why people marry? I always never wanted a piece of paper from courts to sanctify my Love for the other person. I considered it none of their business. I can see if it somehow helps in your living situation, but other than that, Why Bother? To me, it's an old fashioned tradition that was not necessary. But hey if it makes you happy, then go for it! But just look at all the poor People that wanted out of the Marriage and had to go to court, hire lawyers, fight over property, the poor kids caught in the middle, and sometimes used as a tool to hurt the other partner, etc.
Because I never married, when the (wife/ partner) wanted to leave, She had only control over what she had paid for and equal control over the kids. We both agreed, Not to put the kids in the middle of a battle. We came to a mutual agreement on when she would have the kids, and when I did.
We all have seen how sometimes in a divorce one of the Parents gets vindictive and wants more control, or All control of the kids, and the Poor kids don't understand, They love both parents, and usually want the family the stay together! Or How in a bitter divorce, the Wife gets the House, Car, Alimony, monthly child payments, and the poor father gets nothing. I think it's Totally Wrong that the Woman can still get these full payments for Alimony, even after She has a new Partner and a new life! Sure the Original Dad should still help pay for the kids, But the New Father figure should pay also!

I don't often agree with you, but on that post I do
My first life, French, we never married, 1 kid (over 40 now). I messed up the thing...young sexy Korean.
My second life, Thai but French UNI educated, I married because of my job I moved a lot and administratively (visa) without marriage it would have been very complicated, 3 kids all adult. She messed it up (hey, it's not always me) so we separated, I took care of the kids education but cut her off financially completely.
But with both we are still in decent relations and often speak to each other.

 

[Bad_azz]

I never understood, Why people marry? I always never wanted a piece of paper from courts to sanctify my Love for the other person. I considered it none of their business. I can see if it somehow helps in your living situation, but other than that, Why Bother? To me, it's an old fashioned tradition that was not necessary. But hey if it makes you happy, then go for it! But just look at all the poor People that wanted out of the Marriage and had to go to court, hire lawyers, fight over property, the poor kids caught in the middle, and sometimes used as a tool to hurt the other partner, etc.
Because I never married, when the (wife/ partner) wanted to leave, She had only control over what she had paid for and equal control over the kids. We both agreed, Not to put the kids in the middle of a battle. We came to a mutual agreement on when she would have the kids, and when I did.
We all have seen how sometimes in a divorce one of the Parents gets vindictive and wants more control, or All control of the kids, and the Poor kids don't understand, They love both parents, and usually want the family the stay together! Or How in a bitter divorce, the Wife gets the House, Car, Alimony, monthly child payments, and the poor father gets nothing. I think it's Totally Wrong that the Woman can still get these full payments for Alimony, even after She has a new Partner and a new life! Sure the Original Dad should still help pay for the kids, But the New Father figure should pay also!

Because with international mixed marriages being unmarried makes for issues with visas?

 

[flying kiwi]

I think it is difficult to know as each person has her/his own different personality .

What I suggest :
a) If you want to have children , better have a long dating time before marrying .
b) Otherwise , better only date , if the other part agree . If not , something like Balifrog's example .

I say that because I dated my first wife during 3 years , and everything was fine (with I treating her well and helping her parents/relatives too) . But after we married , she changed . I wanted to divorce but she threatened to commit suicide .

And long time ago I did read (and agree) from an important person (forgot the name) that a regular marriage kills the romance . Better only date or if marry , live in separate houses or at least in separate rooms .

thanks , it seems theres general consensus here about having agreement on some ground rules

 

[flying kiwi]

I think it is difficult to know as each person has her/his own different personality .

What I suggest :
a) If you want to have children , better have a long dating time before marrying .
b) Otherwise , better only date , if the other part agree . If not , something like Balifrog's example .

I say that because I dated my first wife during 3 years , and everything was fine (with I treating her well and helping her parents/relatives too) . But after we married , she changed . I wanted to divorce but she threatened to commit suicide .

And long time ago I did read (and agree) from an important person (forgot the name) that a regular marriage kills the romance . Better only date or if marry , live in separate houses or at least in separate rooms .

Ive got three sons in NZ and prob grandkids at some stage , so will end up in NZ . It seems there are quite a few woman here in Manado area keen to live in NZ and I understand that. I heard recently average monthly wage is only 3000000 IDR . Its amazing how people actually manage to survive. So I spose for some they see moving out as a big opportunity. I can totally understand that too. For this to happen for residency eventually need to be married . Im flexi on this, but immigration isnt

 

[harryopal1]

Ive got three sons in NZ and prob grandkids at some stage , so will end up in NZ . It seems there are quite a few woman here in Manado area keen to live in NZ and I understand that. I heard recently average monthly wage is only 3000000 IDR . Its amazing how people actually manage to survive. So I spose for some they see moving out as a big opportunity. I can totally understand that too. For this to happen for residency eventually need to be married . Im flexi on this, but immigration isnt

You had better start saving. The cost now for sponsoring a foreign wife for permanent residence is up to $8000 NZ or about $7400 Aus dollars. When I made the application for my wife's permanent residence in Australia in 2013 the cost was just under $4000 Aus. It is now closer to $10,000 Aus or about $10,800 NZ.

And if you think about sponsoring aged parents to join a wife in NZ it is about $6,000 NZ. Australia, for an aged parent, depending upon circumstances can be as high as $50,000 Aus.

 

[jstar]

It seems there are quite a few woman here in Manado area keen to live in NZ

Not only in Manado, nor to only NZ. Visit as westerner any country in South East Asia.

FWIW, the ‘advantage’ of Manadonese women is that they’re most probably Christian so that cultural and religious hurdle is not so big.

 

[Helpful Herbert]

Not only in Manado, nor to only NZ. Visit as westerner any country in South East Asia.

Ironically if they actually go to Western countries and see what life is like they often hate it. Some comments from my wife: no maids, have to do everything yourself; difficult to find food she can eat; people not friendly; can't see family for a long time; everything so automated and no-one to ask (eg no staff in shops, auto tills only); too expensive.
She made it very clear she will never agree to go and live there! One holiday a year is fine.

 

[harryopal1]

Ironically if they actually go to Western countries and see what life is like they often hate it. Some comments from my wife: no maids, have to do everything yourself; difficult to find food she can eat; people not friendly; can't see family for a long time; everything so automated and no-one to ask (eg no staff in shops, auto tills only); too expensive.
She made it very clear she will never agree to go and live there! One holiday a year is fine.

As Australia began to dilute the white Australia policy there were many Burghers (people of mixed Dutch and Singhalese parentage) came to Australia. These were middle class or better off people and found it very hard to adjust without servants.

 

[jstar]

Ironically if they actually go to Western countries and see what life is like they often hate it.

Yeah. It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure of my wife* to follow some women on IG who have moved abroad. What all started out as flexing and “life is so great here!” often ends up as a big disappointment. Also with the perceived ‘support’ from the western family-in-law btw.

* She studied abroad and has -with my assignments- living experience in the Americas, Asia and parts of Europe and she would never ever want to live in my home country. As in your case, a yearly extended trip is more than enough.

 

[harryopal1]

One other unnerving reality of living in Australia and possibly many other countries is that if you are in a suburban street away from the main road and shops there is nothing happening.. The streets are dead. People generally move about by cars so few pedestrians and no hawkers, street stalls or other activity. It is a bit like being in a cemetery.

 

[Shadrach]

One other unnerving reality of living in Australia and possibly many other countries is that if you are in a suburban street away from the main road and shops there is nothing happening.. The streets are dead. People generally move about by cars so few pedestrians and no hawkers, street stalls or other activity. It is a bit like being in a cemetery.

I agree about this problem. It would have been nice if more of the village mentality of Europe had come over to Australia, and America! I would love to have open air cafe's and Bar's there. Where you can take time to sit down, have a meal, snack, or drink a beverage, and meet with friends, or meet someone new, and strike up a conversation! I don't know, but I assume it's the same, As in America. The idea of relaxing, having a beer, talking to friends, on the sidewalk is Strictly Forbidden! It's far too Puritan of a country to allow such Freedom! You might actually slow down and Enjoy Life!

 

[vocalneal]

One other unnerving reality of living in Australia and possibly many other countries is that if you are in a suburban street away from the main road and shops there is nothing happening.. The streets are dead. People generally move about by cars so few pedestrians and no hawkers, street stalls or other activity. It is a bit like being in a cemetery.

Like where I live in rural Asia except their is a village shop 300m away that sells beer, candy and Ice cream.
When I lived in Karawang it was the same. People generally moving about by motorcycle so few pedestrians and no hawkers or street stalls. Only tire shops, tools shops and no sidewalk.

 

[flying kiwi]

You had better start saving. The cost now for sponsoring a foreign wife for permanent residence is up to $8000 NZ or about $7400 Aus dollars. When I made the application for my wife's permanent residence in Australia in 2013 the cost was just under $4000 Aus. It is now closer to $10,000 Aus or about $10,800 NZ.

And if you think about sponsoring aged parents to join a wife in NZ it is about $6,000 NZ. Australia, for an aged parent, depending upon circumstances can be as high as $50,000 Aus.

if I can find a woman thats easy to live with then thats very cheap vs alimony LOL

 

[Helpful Herbert]

if I can find a woman thats easy to live with then thats very cheap vs alimony LOL

The trouble is you tend not to find out what they are really like until after you are actually married!

 

[flying kiwi]

The trouble is you tend not to find out what they are really like until after you are actually married!

think to be honest my chances are better here than back home

 

[jstar]

I don’t understand what you mean with ‘my chances’?

Yes, the chances of finding an attractive person who ticks practically all the boxes is better here than in the west for those who flip burgers at McD or work on the waste collection truck.

But will that last?

 

[flying kiwi]

I don’t understand what you mean with ‘my chances’?

Yes, the chances of finding an attractive person who ticks practically all the boxes is better here than in the west for those who flip burgers at McD or work on the waste collection truck.

But will that last

 

[flying kiwi]

thats why I joined this forum to glean as much info as possible to avoid pitfalls. What Ive learned has been absolute gold.

 

[merahputih]

I was born and raised in Indonesia. I left and will be back because of my own choice. Wondering sometimes but never have difficulties adjusting to way of life in Western countries. In fact, I found out that I can do things that I never did before, eg. wallpaper hanging, and I bragged about it to my family and friends, haha.
If food that I like is not available, I'll try to cook it myself. It's not always sunny, but both worlds have its advantages & downsides.

 

[jstar]

I found out that I can do things that I never did before, eg. wallpaper hanging

Good for you. I took PIP wallpaper with me once and the tukang was confused since it was a ‘new’ system where the glue would be applied on the wall instead of on the paper. He refused to do it.

Of course the ridiculous prices to have something fixed or done in the west, makes you doing more yourself. Hourly prices of €60-120 for plumbers, electricians, locksmiths, gardeners, car repairs, … are just too much. My wife is still cursing at me if I want to do something myself.