Passing assets after divorce to son and/or step daughter.

[CaturMuka]

In her mind, the fact that I'm neither Muslim nor behave like a Javanese person are unforgivable. She cannot fathom why I cannot dump my core principles and be like them.

Could you expand upon this? What core principles are you talking about?

Why not just become a Muslim and act like a Javanese person? If you're right about your wife's health it'll only be for a few years.

 

[William King]

What ever you do, do not allow easy divorce, do not leave the kids quickly, because 5 years, never mind with a dying mom is a lifetime. You will lose them. Forever.

IMHO. Obviously.

Hang in there.

 

[Terry MacArsey]

Ok, here's my latest situation.

I wanted the house to go in my son (8 years old) and step daughters (18 years old) name.
Because my wife is the one filing for divorce she has to leave the house and so the house can't be in her name.
It can't be in my step daughters name because she is not my child, she is my wife's child.
It can't be in my name because I'm a foreigner.
It can only be in my son (8 remember) name.
Apparently, even if my son had been born yesterday it could still go in his name.
The Kepala Desa and Secretary of the Desa (I assume that's what SekDes is) have written a letter which they have signed along with my wife and me and our next door neighbour as witnesses so now the house is in my sons name.
I have been warned though that an adult would need to sign any papers if he wanted to sell the house which means my wife could still sell the house.
So, back to square one ?

The 2nd divorce hearing is next Thursday and I'm thinking of trying delaying tactics.

My wife wants divorce on the grounds of me drinking too much and being a different religion.
She knew that I drink a lot before we got married (my nickname was Mister Arak) and she knew I was atheist (although I changed to Islam my beliefs have not changed).

So, if she knew this before we got married, why did she agree to marry ? Why is it such a big problem after 14 years of marriage ?

I will also claim that my wife does not follow her own religion. She will wear a jilbab (only worn twice before at an immigration office and at the pengadilan agama) to show that she is a good muslim.

In 14 years of marriage I've seen her go to the mosque 3 or maximum 4 times.

After she registered at the pengadilan agama we immediately became friends again and she told me later that evening that I could sleep with her if I paid her. I agreed.

She asked to borrow 5 million rupiah. I also agreed.

Later she asked me to give her the money rather than lend it to her. In return she would give me sex for the next 2 months so many times a week. I asked her to increase the number of times a week but also to extend the time to when I left to England. She agreed.
Don't forget that she had the original idea, not me.
In effect, she was agreeing to have sex for payment even after we got divorced.

Of course, after a couple of weeks we started fighting and the deal was called off so now she has written a note counting how much money she owes me but taking off 300,000 for each time we had sex.

I'm not sure if the hakim at the divorce hearing will think she has much grounds to say that I don't follow her religion if that's how she behaves.

I still have the note which I intend to show at the 2nd divorce hearing.

I think a 3rd hearing would be called in which case I would be leaving to go to England possibly 2 or 3 days after the 3rd hearing.

I want to ask the hakim to cancel the process as we will be forced to separate 3 or 4 days after a 3rd hearing and will be apart for 6 months. Time heals wounds and for the sake of the kids we should give ourselves a chance to calm down and reflect on how we can improve the situation.

Also, I don't think it would be fair to make a decision if there was a 4th hearing that I would not be able to attend although another woman also going through the divorce process has told that they will make a decision even if I'm in England.

Even if I get the proceedings cancelled though, there's no guarantee that my wife will want to be anywhere near me when I come back in November so it would feel like we're divorced but without an official letter.

Any suggestions ?

 

[jstar]

300,000 per screw?

What a mess, mate.

Well, with the minor and guardian situation, you potentially have a solution at least. As long as she is not the primary guardian after the divorce. (And that might be the problem.)

 

[Terry MacArsey]

300,000 per screw?

What a mess, mate.

Well, with the minor and guardian situation, you potentially have a solution at least. As long as she is not the primary guardian after the divorce. (And that might be the problem.)

Yes, exactly. especially when she only wakes up to count how many times we've had sex. She'll wear a jilbab to prove she's a good muslim of course and she'll be the primary guardian while I'm in England which is why I said back to square one

 

[Jaime C]

Certainly seems like a mess. I can only guess that the prostitution assertion may hurt both of you.

 

[Terry MacArsey]

Certainly seems like a mess. I can only guess that the prostitution assertion may hurt both of you.

Things are getting better now.

My wife has told my friends not to sponsor me.
She's arranged a letter from the Kepala Desa to tell immigration not to extend my visa although I've had a promise from the Kepala Sesa that he will write to them again saying to allow me to extend.
Whether immigration will still refuse or not I don't know.
I'll find out on Wednesday.
Sidang cerai is in Ampana on Thurs, miles away from Gorontalo so I won't be able to attend and she will be able to say what she wants uncontested.
If I can't extend my visa, I'll have until Friday at the latest to get out of the country.
My flight back to England is from Manado on 1st May but I don't know if I'll be allowed back into the country to get my flight, forcing me to buy another ticket.
Meanwhile, most of my belongings and the houseboat are in the islands but I won't have any time to go and get my stuff or arrange who will work on the houseboat.
At least they've got cold beer in Gorontalo so things could be a lot worse