Passing assets after divorce to son and/or step daughter.

[Terry MacArsey]

Hoping for a bit of advice.

Me and my Indonesian wife don't have a prenup.

She wants to get divorced but is happy to give me our house and coconut plantation which are both in her name.

I assume I can't own the house or plantation so I've said that I would sell them to our 8 year old son for Rp1000 each just so that they are not in my wife's name.

I just want assurance that when my son is 18 and may need money to further his education he will have some assets that he can sell (in other words I want to prevent my wife from selling everything and using the money instead of my son).

I think my step-daughter may be a better option as she is 18 ( we get on well and I can trust her) and can stand up to her mother if she doesn't agree, the only problem is that after divorce I won't any family ties with her.

I assume we still have to go to Pengadilan Agama to get a surat cerai ?

I also assume that the proceedings would be easier if we agree that we want to divorce and agree that the house and plantation are mine although maybe not possibly in practice for me to own the land.

I could argue that our marriage was never legal in the first place because she lied to Kepala Desa and KUA that her 2nd husband was dead although he is still alive.

I could get someone else to sponsor me for a Sosbud, which is the visa I've used for the last 12 years, live in my house but not have to subsidise my wife.

The situation is a bit confusing because we are living in separate rooms at the moment and I imagine that this will be the case even when we are divorced although that's not sure.

She kicked me out of the house 3 weeks ago. 3 days later I told her that if she was giving me the house after divorce, I was going to move back into MY house the next day but told her she could stay if she wants, move out if she wants.

Can anyone share their ideas of what my best options are ? (If I've got any). Feel free to ask questions. I realise that I haven't written this post very well

 

[dafluff]

Hoping for a bit of advice.

Me and my Indonesian wife don't have a prenup.

She wants to get divorced but is happy to give me our house and coconut plantation which are both in her name.

I assume I can't own the house or plantation so I've said that I would sell them to our 8 year old son for Rp1000 each just so that they are not in my wife's name.

I just want assurance that when my son is 18 and may need money to further his education he will have some assets that he can sell (in other words I want to prevent my wife from selling everything and using the money instead of my son).

I think my step-daughter may be a better option as she is 18 ( we get on well and I can trust her) and can stand up to her mother if she doesn't agree, the only problem is that after divorce I won't any family ties with her.

I assume we still have to go to Pengadilan Agama to get a surat cerai ?

I also assume that the proceedings would be easier if we agree that we want to divorce and agree that the house and plantation are mine although maybe not possibly in practice for me to own the land.

I could argue that our marriage was never legal in the first place because she lied to Kepala Desa and KUA that her 2nd husband was dead although he is still alive.

I could get someone else to sponsor me for a Sosbud, which is the visa I've used for the last 12 years, live in my house but not have to subsidise my wife.

The situation is a bit confusing because we are living in separate rooms at the moment and I imagine that this will be the case even when we are divorced although that's not sure.

She kicked me out of the house 3 weeks ago. 3 days later I told her that if she was giving me the house after divorce, I was going to move back into MY house the next day but told her she could stay if she wants, move out if she wants.

Can anyone share their ideas of what my best options are ? (If I've got any). Feel free to ask questions. I realise that I haven't written this post very well

Sorry about the bad news.

Here are some quick comments: Your 8 year old won't be able to "buy" the house, because he is not an adult capable of entering into a contract.

Your step-daughter can however, as she is 18. If you have a good relationship with her, she can also sponsor your Sosbud. You can always also enter into a long lease agreement with her (say 30 years) so that she can't kick you out for that time period (you never know, people change).

Finally, you can also make a provision of the "sale" to your step daughter, that half of the house belongs to your son when he comes of age. I do not know whether this can hold up legally if challenged 10 years from now (say if your step daughter has children of her own), but at least it will put a hurdle for her.

Edited to add: If your son is dual national, he won't be able to own Hak Milik either.

 

[dafluff]

Regarding the divorce: since you are married under Muslim law, then you will need to go to Pengadilan Agama.

To do it you will need to see a judge, and most likely need a lawyer. You can't skip the court. The judge will decide the separation of assets, custody of kids, etc etc.

About the wife falsifying her previous marriage status, you should consult with a lawyer. They may have additional recommendation for this.

 

[atlantis]

I assume we still have to go to Pengadilan Agama to get a surat cerai ?

Do you need to hurry the divorce? Why not negotiating with your wife to be sponsored for an ITAS then immediately after, an ITAP before divorce? it would give you a much safer ground to stay here and keep an eye on both your son and assets.

Be aware that, if you have been staying for the past 12 years on sosbud, this may well change in the future, immigration being increasingly annoying with long term resident on visit visas.

 

[atlantis]

About the wife falsifying her previous marriage status, you should consult with a lawyer. They may have additional recommendation for this.

I wouldn't do it (raising the fact that the marriage may not be legal per se). They may contact the former husband, who in turn may seek for a cancellation of the marriage... and his share of the assets acquired for the past 12 years.

 

[CaturMuka]

I could argue that our marriage was never legal in the first place because she lied to Kepala Desa and KUA that her 2nd husband was dead although he is still alive.

I'm not sure there's anything to argue. Your wife is guilty of bigamy (and adultery too, I suppose. Although, I think this is only prosecuted if her husband were to make an official complaint). Someone else might be able to tell you the possible penalties according to Indonesian law.

If I was you, I'd be doing everything in my power to have the house and plantation transferred to a trusted third party BEFORE your divorce is processed.

It's unseemly, but if she refuses to sign the land and plantation over (and maybe assist you to get a KITAS/KITAP as Atlantis suggests) you could threaten to have her reported for bigamy. However, as Atlantis said, the repercussions of actually reporting her might be worse than saying nothing. She might not know that though, so it could turn out to be a good bluff. How's your poker face?

 

[Terry MacArsey]

How can I reply to more than one comment ? Replay to thread seems to give the previous comment

 

[atlantis]

Hi Terry,

I first type a long message trying to explain it but realized that it may have been more confusing than explanatory.

Here is a link to the FAQ which may be better: https://forum.expatindo.org/faq.php?faq=vb3_reading_posting#faq_vb3_replying

 

[Terry MacArsey]

I'm not sure there's anything to argue. Your wife is guilty of bigamy (and adultery too, I suppose. Although, I think this is only prosecuted if her husband were to make an official complaint). Someone else might be able to tell you the possible penalties according to Indonesian law.

If I was you, I'd be doing everything in my power to have the house and plantation transferred to a trusted third party BEFORE your divorce is processed.

It's unseemly, but if she refuses to sign the land and plantation over (and maybe assist you to get a KITAS/KITAP as Atlantis suggests) you could threaten to have her reported for bigamy. However, as Atlantis said, the repercussions of actually reporting her might be worse than saying nothing. She might not know that though, so it could turn out to be a good bluff. How's your poker face?

I said at the KUA she has committed Zinah with me for 14 years. I have said that I want the letters processed before I go to court. I assume she will pay the costs as she wants the divorce.

We are in a desa kecil so nobody knows much. Rather than bluffing, it might be best just to burn the bukuh nikah, pretend it never happened or I'm dead, the same as the 2nd husband. Who would know in England ? It's all a load of b@llshit to be honest.

I wouldn't do it (raising the fact that the marriage may not be legal per se). They may contact the former husband, who in turn may seek for a cancellation of the marriage... and his share of the assets acquired for the past 12 years.

Just try it. I already have a letter saying he's dead haha

Do you need to hurry the divorce? Why not negotiating with your wife to be sponsored for an ITAS then immediately after, an ITAP before divorce? it would give you a much safer ground to stay here and keep an eye on both your son and assets.

Be aware that, if you have been staying for the past 12 years on sosbud, this may well change in the future, immigration being increasingly annoying with long term resident on visit visas.

Easier said than done, not easy to negotiate with someone that doesn't even say hello for two days. I understand what ou're saying but not sure my wife would be willing to help me.

Regarding the divorce: since you are married under Muslim law, then you will need to go to Pengadilan Agama.

To do it you will need to see a judge, and most likely need a lawyer. You can't skip the court. The judge will decide the separation of assets, custody of kids, etc etc.

About the wife falsifying her previous marriage status, you should consult with a lawyer. They may have additional recommendation for this.

custody of kids with mum, no probs, if we can agree assets why need a judge ?

Sorry about the bad news.

Here are some quick comments: Your 8 year old won't be able to "buy" the house, because he is not an adult capable of entering into a contract.

Your step-daughter can however, as she is 18. If you have a good relationship with her, she can also sponsor your Sosbud. You can always also enter into a long lease agreement with her (say 30 years) so that she can't kick you out for that time period (you never know, people change).

Finally, you can also make a provision of the "sale" to your step daughter, that half of the house belongs to your son when he comes of age. I do not know whether this can hold up legally if challenged 10 years from now (say if your step daughter has children of her own), but at least it will put a hurdle for her.

Edited to add: If your son is dual national, he won't be able to own Hak Milik either.

I thought the same about 8 year old son. 18 year old step-daughter gas already agreed to sponsor me although any Indo can sponsor me.

Long lease agreement, yes, good idea but I've been her "Papa" for 14 years and have paid for her to go to Kulia. She's a good kid, I trust her.

She knows that it's 50/50 between her and my son. I don't think she would rip off my son.

My son is entitled to British passport but very difficult to arrange.

I suppose what I'm saying is that we agree to divorce but without the hassle of going to court. Just arrange between ourselves who owns what.

I wouldn't have a problem with her marrying again as long as she doesn't have a problem with me looking for a cewek. Burn the buku ikahs, never happened. Where's the proof if there's someone stupid enough to marry a fat bald alcoholic ? I'd have to be pissed to think about marrying again.

Bottom line, is it ok we agree to divorce, I take this and that, she takes what's left and it never happened ?

Why go to court if we can agree that it's over if we're both happy (ish) with the outcome ?

Hi Terry,

I first type a long message trying to explain it but realized that it may have been more confusing than explanatory.

Here is a link to the FAQ which may be better: https://forum.expatindo.org/faq.php?faq=vb3_reading_posting#faq_vb3_replying

 

[atlantis]

Just try it. I already have a letter saying he's dead haha

The letter wouldn't change anything, Terry. If your marriage is cancelled, it means that legally speaking her only legal husband is the "dead" dude. It has legal civil consequences such as the fact that any asset acquired during the legal marriage (ie from the time she marry him till NOW) belongs to her and... him (50/50), drastically diluting the legal share of your kid. Like it or not, your decision may have not only consequences on this but a sh1tload of other consequences you don't want to hear about such as the civil tie in between you and your son. In the most extreme case, we can imagine that the birth certificate of your son could be cancelled (if you are not the legal husband, you can't be the legal father)...etc

Leave that alone.

 

[atlantis]

Easier said than done, not easy to negotiate with someone that doesn't even say hello for two days. I understand what ou're saying but not sure my wife would be willing to help me.

Most divorce are not easy. Only you and her know the reason why your couple end up this way and I understand that it may not be an easy thing to negotiate. However, a KITAS, immediately followed by a KITAP would put you in a MUCH better situation for the future. With a KITAP you would be able to reside in Indonesia for the length you wish and even be back to UK for long periods (you can't be out of Indonesia more than 1 full year though). Even after the divorce you may keep your KITAP and the rights attached, such as for example the right to work/do business to provide for YOURSELF and your family. Also it makes no doubt to me that in the future KITAP holders will have increasing rights, notably in matters of land, while visitors (visa kunjungan holders) rights will decrease.

 

[atlantis]

Long lease agreement, yes, good idea but I've been her "Papa" for 14 years and have paid for her to go to Kulia. She's a good kid, I trust her.

I think that neither Dafluff nor anyone here would say otherwise, but let's see it on a more legal way and let's make (ugly) projection.

Your daughter is now 22, she has met a guy and marry him. You didn't really like the guy but, hey, that's life and what you want is your daughter to be happy. Your son was also happy for his sister despite sharing your opinion.

Three years have passed and your fear concerning your son in law have increased. He's cheating on your daughter and hass picked on your son, even bullying in when your daughter is not around.

A tragic accident occur and your daughter unfortunately pass away.

What do you think would happen to the land which was on your daughter's name and for which your son in law become a partial heir?

Apologies to have taken such an ugly example but it is important that you consider it through all angles before taking any decision.

 

[William King]

Burying your head in the sand. Ie burning documents and running back to UK might satisfy in the short term, but is not really a solution.

 

[Terry MacArsey]

Wow, a lot of interesting points to consider. It's made me realise this situation is a lot more complicated than I thought it was. Think for the moment the best thing is to relax, have a beer and think about it. Thanks for the comments and advice though. Much appreciated

 

[Terry MacArsey]

I think that neither Dafluff nor anyone here would say otherwise, but let's see it on a more legal way and let's make (ugly) projection.

Your daughter is now 22, she has met a guy and marry him. You didn't really like the guy but, hey, that's life and what you want is your daughter to be happy. Your son was also happy for his sister despite sharing your opinion.

Three years have passed and your fear concerning your son in law have increased. He's cheating on your daughter and hass picked on your son, even bullying in when your daughter is not around.

A tragic accident occur and your daughter unfortunately pass away.

What do you think would happen to the land which was on your daughter's name and for which your son in law become a partial heir?

Apologies to have taken such an ugly example but it is important that you consider it through all angles before taking any decision.

No apology needed. A very valid point of view that has now been noted, just not sure if I have a better choice. Very worrying.

 

[all4ywh]

Most divorce are not easy. Only you and her know the reason why your couple end up this way and I understand that it may not be an easy thing to negotiate. However, a KITAS, immediately followed by a KITAP would put you in a MUCH better situation for the future. With a KITAP you would be able to reside in Indonesia for the length you wish and even be back to UK for long periods (you can't be out of Indonesia more than 1 full year though). Even after the divorce you may keep your KITAP and the rights attached, such as for example the right to work/do business to provide for YOURSELF and your family. Also it makes no doubt to me that in the future KITAP holders will have increasing rights, notably in matters of land, while visitors (visa kunjungan holders) rights will decrease.

Good day Atlantis, could you or anyone else elaborate further on your above comments which I highlighted & underlined concerning :

Which current law(s) or regulation(s) state that an ITAP holder who : goes through with a divorce from an Indonesian citizen spouse and then retains the ITAP status via sponsorship by any "qualified" Indonesian citizen, still retains "the right to work/do business to provide for one's self and one's family" (as stated in the updated Immigration Law circa year 2011 concerning family-related ITAP holders) when the divorced individual's current ITAP status no longer exists based on sponsorship by one's spouse?

7 weeks ago my spouse-sponsored ITAP was renewed for the lifetime extension (I will share the highlights of my renewal experience in the KITAP renewal thread) and possibly in the "near" future tragically I may be facing divorce proceedings with my wife of 7 years & 6 months...

 

[all4ywh]

Maybe the forum moderators may consider my above comments and any other related reply comments could be transferred over to this thread in the other section of the Law Forum? : https://forum.expatindo.org/showthread.php?1464-Divorce-KITAP-and-right-to-work

 

[Terry MacArsey]

Most divorce are not easy. Only you and her know the reason why your couple end up this way and I understand that it may not be an easy thing to negotiate. However, a KITAS, immediately followed by a KITAP would put you in a MUCH better situation for the future. With a KITAP you would be able to reside in Indonesia for the length you wish and even be back to UK for long periods (you can't be out of Indonesia more than 1 full year though). Even after the divorce you may keep your KITAP and the rights attached, such as for example the right to work/do business to provide for YOURSELF and your family. Also it makes no doubt to me that in the future KITAP holders will have increasing rights, notably in matters of land, while visitors (visa kunjungan holders) rights will decrease.

I agree MOST divorces are not easy. I think ours could be and might be as strange as the 2nd husband being dead that lives in Luwuk.

Bizarre, REALLY bizarre.

Ok, we will be divorced but will live in the same house, maybe not too strange up to now but when my wife filed for divorced we instantly became friends. She didn't have much money so now we've made an agreement that instead of lending 5 Jt from me I give it to her as long as she gives me what I want 5 times a week, even when we are divorced. I'm very lucky that my wife is very open minded.

Another argument is that I'm a pemabuk but she probably knew that from when I brought 50 bungkus captikus to the resort she worked at.

No probs, instead of giving my wife 40 Jt setiap tahun I'll have money to main cewek saja. Ganti cewek setiap minggu. Siapa pusing ?

No time for kitas, 2 March siding cerai, I'm not going to make it easier

 

[Om DelOreo]

Which current law(s) or regulation(s) state that an ITAP holder ...still retains "the right to work/do business to provide for one's self and one's family"..."

7 weeks ago my spouse-sponsored ITAP was renewed for the lifetime extension (I will share the highlights of my renewal experience in the KITAP renewal thread) and possibly in the "near" future tragically I may be facing divorce proceedings with my wife of 7 years & 6 months...

Terry, you may want to look at this: http://irmadevita.com/2012/kewarganegaraan-status-pemilikan-tanah-warisan-pada-perkawinan-campuran/

I'm sorry you're facing divorce, All4ywh. So am I, and thus I'm also curious about Atlantis' response, but I think I know the answer already. My wife just dropped the "D" bomb on me last week because:
1) She's a Muslim and I'm not (and, in Islam, only men can be married to a non-Muslim, not to mention practice bigamy - yay for hypocrisy). Before we married, we had promised each other that religion would never separate us. So much for that. Our pre-nup was written wrong so there's no separation of possessions and wealth, and made no mention of this agreement. She's good at breaking promises...and lying. :Cry:

2) She's angry at me for all my mistakes; she just saved them all up in her heart and now she's letting rip. This despite the yearly Lebaran forgiveness ritual...

3) She's been very ill for a long time, and family members who don't like me have been taking advantage of that to wear her down to the point where she can no longer resist them.



So, folks, I've been trying to figure this out, when what do I see but Terry's messages...Fortuitous? Perhaps. If it seems like this needs its own thread, instead, feel free to make it.

I still love her, I want her to be happy, and I would like the divorce to be done quickly and quietly. I went through my parents' divorce and I've seen friends get divorced and how ugly it gets...and the kids always end up being the victims. I don't want that to happen to ours.

I have an ITAP that's up for 1st renewal next year. I understand that I'll need to get another sponsor to keep it (plus pay the Rp.10m+ "tax"), and AFAIK it can be any Indonesian adult, even a friend...? I'm pretty sure that I'll have to do the transfer of sponsorship before the divorce, correct? And, as usual, it won't affect how much time is left on my ITAP, correct?

Some people said, "Grab your kids and run to your embassy so you don't lose them." This seemed like stupid advice, since that would be abduction if I don't have the consent of my wife, and the embassy isn't going to shield me, nor will it help me with the divorce, I believe. It's an Indonesian matter that has nothing to do with them. Correct?

Last week, my wife informed me she felt that our daughter (12) wanted to stay with her, which is true, but she also felt our son (8) wanted to stay with her, which is incorrect. To be precise, he prefers to be with me unless his sister wants to be with me, in which case he'll stay with his mom so she's not alone. As I understand it, the court will take into consideration their preferences, but that's not binding. Correct?

It is unlikely that my wife will live longer than 5 years. I would've preferred to stay by her side, as I have been throughout her illness, but that's no longer an option. I won't live a lie just to placate her and her family, and there's no way we can stay together even if she changes her mind because her family will not stop. I have no guarantee that she won't break the promise again later, or secretly contact them, so...

I am concerned. One of the people who poisoned my wife against me is her mother. She has been surreptitiously, along with her younger brother (uncle) and perhaps others, whispering vitriol into her ear for many months now - I know about that because my wife repeatedly complained about it to me. She won't stop even while my wife is in critical condition in hospital and, I feel as a result her health has been negatively impacted. I'm sure that it'll stop once we're no longer together - well, at least the part about dumping me. However, even though my wife is in critical condition, her mom continues to do this. I fear for her health because of the ongoing psychological pressure. I've told her mother to stop twice now - once last week and once yesterday. Last week, she neither denied nor confirmed it (I had proof), but tried to pin it on me and the nurses. Yesterday, she flat-out lied (again, I had proof) about it, and got angry at me. I doubt she'll stop. She's manipulative, two-faced and a liar, plus she's old and forgetful. In her mind, the fact that I'm neither Muslim nor behave like a Javanese person are unforgivable. She cannot fathom why I cannot dump my core principles and be like them.

I'm also concerned about our kids. Their grandma is not very nice to them, especially (I just found out) my daughter. She is very obnoxious, nagging the kids a lot to the point that they don't want to listen to her (nor do we, so we sleep in the morning to avoid hearing it because we're not allowed to correct her behavior or she'll get upset and get the family involved, making it a fiasco), and using emotional manipulation to get her way when nagging fails. She threatens to leave if they don't comply. She also badmouths me to my daughter. My son is very angry at her most of the time, and that is part of why he wants to be with me. Yesterday, after I asked her to stop manipulating my wife, she lied to my son: she said that I'd forbidden her from taking care of my wife, which caused him to get upset with me until I told him she'd lied. I still tell my kids to be respectful towards her and listen to her, despite her backstabbing.

http://www.kpai.go.id/artikel/hak-asuh-bagi-anak-kewarganegaraan-ganda-ketika-orang-tua-bercerai/

She is very good at making people like her (I liked her for most of our marriage), and has MANY friends. Even her siblings mostly like her despite all her machinations. She's relatively smart, but of late I've noticed signs of senility - sometimes she forgets things, and sometimes her intellect is noticably impaired. I'm afraid that, with her social skills, she will woo the judges and slander me to Hell to make sure I don't get the kids or anything else. I'm not really concerned about our possessions, but I am concerned about our kids, especially because she can't stop wagging her tongue about me (now it's daily). It seems as though my daughter only wants her here because she cooks breakfast and makes their snacks (I'm not very good without a recipe), but my son was happy when she didn't come home last night. Honestly, we had a wonderful morning together!

We have no property - it's in our kids' names, so I assume my wife will be responsible for it until her death, in which case either her mother or brother will claim control.

So, where am I going with this? I'm not sure if I've given enough background info, so ask questions if you need to, fellow expats.

If I understand correctly, the divorce will need to be filed with the KUA, and we'll have a day in court. My wife is bed-ridden, and is often inpatient, so that may be a problem. If there is any feedback about the above, about my right to work as a foreigner (I read PhillippeD said I'm not considered a TKA, and there's pasal 61 from UU6), about the process of getting a divorce, etc.? I really need some pointers here. Thanks much!

 

[Jaime C]

Terry, you may want to look at this: http://irmadevita.com/2012/kewarganegaraan-status-pemilikan-tanah-warisan-pada-perkawinan-campuran/

I'm sorry you're facing divorce, All4ywh. So am I, and thus I'm also curious about Atlantis' response, but I think I know the answer already. My wife just dropped the "D" bomb on me last week because:
1) She's a Muslim and I'm not (and, in Islam, only men can be married to a non-Muslim, not to mention practice bigamy - yay for hypocrisy). Before we married, we had promised each other that religion would never separate us. So much for that. Our pre-nup was written wrong so there's no separation of possessions and wealth, and made no mention of this agreement. She's good at breaking promises...and lying. :Cry:

2) She's angry at me for all my mistakes; she just saved them all up in her heart and now she's letting rip. This despite the yearly Lebaran forgiveness ritual...

3) She's been very ill for a long time, and family members who don't like me have been taking advantage of that to wear her down to the point where she can no longer resist them.



So, folks, I've been trying to figure this out, when what do I see but Terry's messages...Fortuitous? Perhaps. If it seems like this needs its own thread, instead, feel free to make it.

I still love her, I want her to be happy, and I would like the divorce to be done quickly and quietly. I went through my parents' divorce and I've seen friends get divorced and how ugly it gets...and the kids always end up being the victims. I don't want that to happen to ours.

I have an ITAP that's up for 1st renewal next year. I understand that I'll need to get another sponsor to keep it (plus pay the Rp.10m+ "tax"), and AFAIK it can be any Indonesian adult, even a friend...? I'm pretty sure that I'll have to do the transfer of sponsorship before the divorce, correct? And, as usual, it won't affect how much time is left on my ITAP, correct?

Some people said, "Grab your kids and run to your embassy so you don't lose them." This seemed like stupid advice, since that would be abduction if I don't have the consent of my wife, and the embassy isn't going to shield me, nor will it help me with the divorce, I believe. It's an Indonesian matter that has nothing to do with them. Correct?

Last week, my wife informed me she felt that our daughter (12) wanted to stay with her, which is true, but she also felt our son (8) wanted to stay with her, which is incorrect. To be precise, he prefers to be with me unless his sister wants to be with me, in which case he'll stay with his mom so she's not alone. As I understand it, the court will take into consideration their preferences, but that's not binding. Correct?

It is unlikely that my wife will live longer than 5 years. I would've preferred to stay by her side, as I have been throughout her illness, but that's no longer an option. I won't live a lie just to placate her and her family, and there's no way we can stay together even if she changes her mind because her family will not stop. I have no guarantee that she won't break the promise again later, or secretly contact them, so...

I am concerned. One of the people who poisoned my wife against me is her mother. She has been surreptitiously, along with her younger brother (uncle) and perhaps others, whispering vitriol into her ear for many months now - I know about that because my wife repeatedly complained about it to me. She won't stop even while my wife is in critical condition in hospital and, I feel as a result her health has been negatively impacted. I'm sure that it'll stop once we're no longer together - well, at least the part about dumping me. However, even though my wife is in critical condition, her mom continues to do this. I fear for her health because of the ongoing psychological pressure. I've told her mother to stop twice now - once last week and once yesterday. Last week, she neither denied nor confirmed it (I had proof), but tried to pin it on me and the nurses. Yesterday, she flat-out lied (again, I had proof) about it, and got angry at me. I doubt she'll stop. She's manipulative, two-faced and a liar, plus she's old and forgetful. In her mind, the fact that I'm neither Muslim nor behave like a Javanese person are unforgivable. She cannot fathom why I cannot dump my core principles and be like them.

I'm also concerned about our kids. Their grandma is not very nice to them, especially (I just found out) my daughter. She is very obnoxious, nagging the kids a lot to the point that they don't want to listen to her (nor do we, so we sleep in the morning to avoid hearing it because we're not allowed to correct her behavior or she'll get upset and get the family involved, making it a fiasco), and using emotional manipulation to get her way when nagging fails. She threatens to leave if they don't comply. She also badmouths me to my daughter. My son is very angry at her most of the time, and that is part of why he wants to be with me. Yesterday, after I asked her to stop manipulating my wife, she lied to my son: she said that I'd forbidden her from taking care of my wife, which caused him to get upset with me until I told him she'd lied. I still tell my kids to be respectful towards her and listen to her, despite her backstabbing.

http://www.kpai.go.id/artikel/hak-asuh-bagi-anak-kewarganegaraan-ganda-ketika-orang-tua-bercerai/

She is very good at making people like her (I liked her for most of our marriage), and has MANY friends. Even her siblings mostly like her despite all her machinations. She's relatively smart, but of late I've noticed signs of senility - sometimes she forgets things, and sometimes her intellect is noticably impaired. I'm afraid that, with her social skills, she will woo the judges and slander me to Hell to make sure I don't get the kids or anything else. I'm not really concerned about our possessions, but I am concerned about our kids, especially because she can't stop wagging her tongue about me (now it's daily). It seems as though my daughter only wants her here because she cooks breakfast and makes their snacks (I'm not very good without a recipe), but my son was happy when she didn't come home last night. Honestly, we had a wonderful morning together!

We have no property - it's in our kids' names, so I assume my wife will be responsible for it until her death, in which case either her mother or brother will claim control.

So, where am I going with this? I'm not sure if I've given enough background info, so ask questions if you need to, fellow expats.

If I understand correctly, the divorce will need to be filed with the KUA, and we'll have a day in court. My wife is bed-ridden, and is often inpatient, so that may be a problem. If there is any feedback about the above, about my right to work as a foreigner (I read PhillippeD said I'm not considered a TKA, and there's pasal 61 from UU6), about the process of getting a divorce, etc.? I really need some pointers here. Thanks much![/I]

Somethings don't sound right about your legal situation. Minor children can't own property in Indonesia.

Given the fact that the MIL is tearing your household apart, I'd get her out of the house asap. Hire a nanny or maid. Move, if need be. Seems she is only hurting everyone.

Leaving your kids under the MIL's influence just seems like a bad idea. You'll only be hurting them in the long run.