Kicked Out of the Village. Bali.

[Vanhelsing]

Kicked out of the village.


My partner and I had reached the point where we’d decided to take our relationship to the next level and move in together. Wayan (not her real name) owned a little house about fifteen minutes outside Ubud in the rice fields which offered us a lovely quiet home to live simple lives and enjoy our hobbies and interests while getting to know each other further before hopefully getting married at the end of the year.

A week after moving in we went to see the Banjar so I might introduce myself, give copies of my passport, visa and a small gift I’d brought from Australia (who can deny anyone who offers a small stuffed koala as a gift?). We found the head of our village to be a very decent and welcoming man offering refreshments and seemingly genuinely interested in us and our lives.(I understand it's also his job) He assured us there wouldn’t be any issue with me staying in Wayan’s house even though we weren’t married as long as we planned to be married in the not too distant future, everything would be just fine. His wife LOVED the stuffed koala.

One month went by without any issues with Wayan and I settling into a delightful existence in the rice fields until one day my partner was visited by a man from the local “social/community police†(the Indonesian name eludes me.What are they called?) while I was out and asked many questions about myself including how long I planned to stay, where I was from, what was my purpose being here as well as a raft of other questions. Two weeks later, again while I was out, the Banjar head sent his brother to inform my partner I was no longer able to live in her house unless we were married. I should have to leave immediately!!

Suffice to say we were disappointed as we’d spoken at length with the Banjar in regard to me staying in the village a month earlier. We were also disappointed the village head didn’t ask us to meet with him again personally so he might explain the reasons for the change of heart. Tempted as I was, I felt just going to his house demanding answers would cause him to lose face as well as potentially causing my partner further issues at a later date. Apparently the village does have the right to evict my partner as she’s not from the area.

So, I left.

I suspect once it had become common knowledge we weren’t married, enough villagers voiced their disapproval to the point of the Banjar having to act. Why some chap from the “social police†came asking questions I’m not sure, maybe it’s standard procedure. (Others may be able to enlighten me here)

As it transpired, Wayan and I weren't destined for marriage, so maybe it was just as well.

 

[Anglian]

That's a bit sad really, I was expecting a really happy ending, but as you say perhaps for the best

 

[sumyunggai]

do you mean Satpol PP?

 

[Vanhelsing]

do you mean Satpol PP?

It was possibly Satpol although I can't be sure.

 

[Bad_azz]

mean spirited fuckers.
Sell up & come live in Bandung- a bit less anal here.

 

[Vanhelsing]

mean spirited fuckers.
Sell up & come live in Bandung- a bit less anal here.

Funny you should say that, B_a, I am indeed considering Bandung for the new year.

 

[macvert]

From what I've seen, if she was a local to the village they wouldn't have had a bar of it in the first place & would have used physical threats against you

 

[Vanhelsing]

From what I've seen, if she was a local to the village they wouldn't have had a bar of it in the first place & would have used physical threats against you

Interestingly, our immediate neighbor who also originated from outside the village would often entertain "gentlemen callers" with the village apparently turning a blind eye.

 

[macvert]

Interestingly, our immediate neighbor who also originated from outside the village would often entertain "gentlemen callers" with the village apparently turning a blind eye.

Seen this too but the outsider was not Balinese & the entertainee's were village locals .... totally acceptable so it seems.

I'm just glad that by the grace of God ... .. our plans fell thru & we are now out of their hypocritical little world

 

[Vanhelsing]

Seen this too but the outsider was not Balinese & the entertainee's were village locals .... totally acceptable so it seems

"Do as I say, not as I do" should be written into Indonesia's national anthem.

 

[macvert]

"Do as I say, not as I do" should be written into Indonesia's national anthem.

I'll drink to that ..... & yeah, good to see ya

 

[Bad_azz]

Funny you should say that, B_a, I am indeed considering Bandung for the new year.

PM me if you want to talk BDG things

 

[Vanhelsing]

PM me if you want to talk BDG things

Thanks, you can count on it.

 

[Terry MacArsey]

Hope the stuffed Koala was a toy one not a real one

 

[Terry MacArsey]

mean spirited fuckers.
Sell up & come live in Bandung- a bit less anal here.

I agree totally with you BA but some places have different ways of thinking. Very surprised it would happen in Bali though.

When I got married, I asked my (now 14 years -14 blissful years of course, at least when I'm in UK, from my wife's point of view) wife if she would like to go travelling with me and my friends. She told me that she couldn't because we were not married but even if we only travelled for a couple of weeks and then got divorced it wouldn't be a problem. Main thing was marriage first.

She said after travelling if I went back to UK and never set foot in Indo again no probs but if I did come back I would already have a wife. So after 10 days of knowing each other I said ok, why not ?
Her father was married when he was 12 (and a father by 14)and her mother was 19 at the time but both forced into marriage because they were seen together. My wife's mother didn't want to marry because her (to be) husband was still a boy.
So if you think it's anal in Bali don't bother coming to Central Sulawesi.

Should have tried giving him a stuffed kangaroo

 

[jstar]

So you were not really kicked out of the village?

Also in Bali there are adat rules. (Even on banjar level.) In the whole of Indonesia btw, every village has its own (perhaps peculiar) rules. As long as they don't interfere with the top-down laws, they are completely legal, these bottom-up desa regulations. Compare it a bit with the old laws in western villages and states. (E.g. no brown shoes for taxi drivers in Sydney.)

Of course the whole pre-marital living together issue is one of the most popular things to regulate on a local level.

About getting approval or clarification when talking to officials about this? Wrong and useless move. People here feel uncomfortable talking about these things and prefer not to know (cf. US Army.) And there is a community to consider, not a dictatorship with a single decision maker; in fact the Indonesian village setups are rather socialist. If you don't read between the lines you will hear something very different and most often you will not get a clear yes/no answer on sensitive subjects.

Also, they definitely don't like confrontation, you must know that by now. Nor do people like to lose face. So after something happened that changed the situation, it is preferred that a 3rd party gets involved to convey the message and some won't show their face anymore. (What did you expect; him to approach you after the facts and tell you he screwed up in assessing the level of conservatism of his villagers?)

 

[Vanhelsing]

So you were not really kicked out of the village?

What would you call it then?

About getting approval or clarification when talking to officials about this? Wrong and useless move.

My partner had lived in the village for ten years as well as being an Indonesian for forty and she believed it the best way to proceed, I took her advice. I still believe presenting to the Banjar proper and respectful when moving into a new village, it has stood me in good stead in the past.

Also, they definitely don't like confrontation, you must know that by now. Nor do people like to lose face.

Here's a quote from the piece I wrote that you may have skipped.

Tempted as I was, I felt just going to his house demanding answers would cause him to lose face

(What did you expect; him to approach you after the facts and tell you he screwed up in assessing the level of conservatism of his villagers?)

No. To be honest if my experience with Indonesian authority is anything to go by I half expected him to make up some other excuse as to why I couldn't stay or blatantly lie in regard to his undertakings or assurances. Although I agree, complete avoidance is another often used method of Indonesian governance.

 

[jukung11]

Good warning for others. Even on the relaxed island of Bali, not everything goes.

 

[Scooterindo]

Why didn't you and "Wayan" just move 30 mins south, get out of the kampong and no one cares mate.

 

[Vanhelsing]

Why didn't you and "Wayan" just move 30 mins south, get out of the kampong and no one cares mate.

I liked that we had uninterrupted views across the rice fields to the hills. I liked paying 12 000 rupiah for a meal from our local warung and 3000 for a kopi. I liked having the option of not seeing another bule for weeks at a time if I chose. I liked the peace and quiet. I liked the birds, frogs, lizards and other animals around the house on a daily basis. I also liked the simplicity of village life. My partner owned the house and there didn't seem any reason to move.