Funny True Stories

Nimbus

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This is not mine, I found it on Quora. I laughed my ass off until I was in tears, so I might as well share the joy.

Question: What is the most sexual thing you have seen in public?

Answer by Robert Harvey:
Depends what you mean by public.

Around 30 years ago I was walking my dogs in public woodland, and followed them into a plantation where I found myself on the edge of the clearing in the middle of which were a naked couple enjoying each other on a large tartan rug..

Well, when I say “naked” he still had his boots and socks on. She was wearing wild flowers that were artfully woven into her hair. And on her head as well.

I tried to call the dogs to heel as cautiously as possible. One came to me, the other wasn’t listening.

Have you ever tried to train a Spaniel? You can teach them to do what you say, so long as it is what they were planning on doing anyway.

I watched in horror as the dog approached the man, who by now was on hands and knees devoting all his attention to his friend’s pudenda. He must have been quite good at it, she was entirely oblivious of anything else. The dog snuck up behind him and licked his dangling balls. The bloke screamed and leapt a long way up in the air, then fell across the woman.

The dog came yelping back to me, and we all vanished into the trees. I slipped off home the other way, as quickly as possible.

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-m...wer/Robert-Harvey-41?share=a56af989&srid=o4ts
 
This happened to a friend of mine, he was taking his girl friend for a pleasant walk in the beautiful English countryside, and as it happens at times they lay down in the long grass and he got his evil way with her, but he though gosh she has just farted, it's very smelly and she is thinking gosh his farts really smell, anyway when they had done he rolled over only to discover he had knelt in dog poo
 
I had to look up pudenda...

I didn't have to look up pudenda because a cartoon in an old Playboy magazine from the 70' has always stuck with me.

The cartoon was of a pudenda with arms & legs singing that old song “The Great Pretender” into a microphone....

but …. in the caption the words had been changed to “wo-ho-ho yes I'm the great pudenda” ...lmao.
 

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