But why, Dad ..?

[Alia]

No offense intended, Alia, but I see only positive in your dad's choice (save for the fact that he should have tell you before).

None taken. Thank you.

 

[Alia]

First Alia- the new wife is not a replacement for your mother- are any of your kids a replacement for the other?
If we love people, we can continue to share our life/love with other people.
I am sure your dad married again because he loved your mother very much and misses her. Therefore he was lonely and wanted companionship- someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, I am sure your mum would not want him to sit alone in the house depressed and rotting away waiting to die - she would want him to try and be happy again.

BA, I always think that if we love someone so dearly, we wont get rid of them so quickly, by any means. And that there will be no one can ever take their place. That is my mindset all this time anyway. I wanted him NOT to marry again, to just accept it that he is alone now without mom. But I would be all wrong then. Thank you, sis.

 

[Alia]

I'm glad you said that posting in this forum has helped a bit.

Dafluff, Oh yes, big time.

Whats funny enough, Its easier to post here than telling my husband about this that I just did so two days after the event. I didn’t want him to think less of my dad. I didn’t think that he will understand. And that I'm too ashame to tell him. But how I was wrong. He understands this better than I do. His mother remarried too after his dad passed away, and he and his siblings have gone through something like this, rejection to the new husband, even life threats came from his brother to the new husband. Harder than I’m going through now. But they got through it, and now get along very nicely.

This forum helped me a lot.

 

[Alia]

Did you get to meet her? The only thing I would find odd is her age and perhaps the circumstances of their meeting. You never mentioned if they are even living together.

Actually this is when it gets odder and odder. Dad for sure cant take his new wife to his house here in East Java. I’m sure he wouldn’t do that out of concerns on how will our big big family says about it. But dad has been renting a house in Jkt for years to accommodate his trip if he needs to go to Jkt, while she has her own house I assume inherit it from her late husband somewhere in Tangerang. They don’t live together, she comes to his house in Jkt when dad’s there and maybe vice versa. So its not that she really takes care of him, like be with him all the time like what she should be. That’s why I just don’t get it from the first start. Why ??

No, I’ve never met her, I don’t know what would I do if there is a chance to meet her. My sister in Jkt, (the one that didn’t make it home when he called us) apparently already knows about this, dad introduced her to his new wife. It was a shock for her too and she came to think that the rest of us have our own problems so she kept it for her self. Cant blame her though.

 

[Alia]

but i understand your dissapointment for him not telling his kids about his remarriage. but do you think if he had told you earlier, you would have taken it easier on him? dont you think that if he had told you earlier, he would have to face rejection and all the 'no' answer from his kids, without any solution for any problem that he's facing.

Ya, like KW said that there’s never a right time to get remarried. If he had told me earlier, I don’t think I would have taken it easier on him too. So it will be something like : Tell me before tell me now, there wont be any difference.

 

[Alia]

Scoot : Thanks mister, I know you’ll always be there to support me. Thanks for sharing your story too.

 

[Alia]

Geez Louise, I'm much more cynical that the rest of you guys.


Most likely, yes, and I doubt the marriage will last long if the money doesn't end up coming.


Lonely or not, that's terrible behaviour from a father. He obviously didn't tell you because he thought you'd be able to stop it from going ahead. The new wife's no saint either. What sort of relationship are you expected to have with her after a terrible start like that?

The biggest problem I think you'll have is if his court case pays out and he proceeds to spend all the money on his new family. There's very few people that could see that happening and not become bitter. Especially if you or your siblings are struggling financially.

It might be time to forget about being a polite and obedient child and demand that he draw up a will that includes you and your siblings.

We’ve been wondering about this. About her intention. Their age gap is huge like 33 years. My dad is an educated man, a law expert and an Islamic scholar. Probably this what she sees from him, but probably because of the promises he made to her, if there is any. There was another point untold however he wanted to tell us that night but cancelled it seeing how hysterical my sister react. I can only guess he wanted to tell us that “If I go, I will give some of the asset that I’ll have from this case for her, and you cant deny that since it is her right as my wifeâ€. I’m talking about billions here.

 

[Alia]

Kimdub, Thank you very much for your thoughtful post.

I cant think of any better positive reason why he did what he did. And I want to believe what you have said is true, coming from the same age range as my dad, you know it better. He remarried to continue living his life, not to replace my mom, as she is irreplaceable.

 

[Bad_azz]

We’ve been wondering about this. About her intention. Their age gap is huge like 33 years. My dad is an educated man, a law expert and an Islamic scholar. Probably this what she sees from him, but probably because of the promises he made to her, if there is any. There was another point untold however he wanted to tell us that night but cancelled it seeing how hysterical my sister react. I can only guess he wanted to tell us that “If I go, I will give some of the asset that I’ll have from this case for her, and you cant deny that since it is her right as my wife”. I’m talking about billions here.

I would advise you contact your dad and chat with him, ask him about his new wife and ask him what the other point was, & say that his news was a shock, so what he got were emotional reactions & that you have had time to digest the information and are interested to know about him and how he feels.


& be prepared for the other info to be that she is pregnant- it could well be the news he held back.

 

[Bad_azz]

Kimdub, Thank you very much for your thoughtful post.

I cant think of any better positive reason why he did what he did. And I want to believe what you have said is true, coming from the same age range as my dad, you know it better. He remarried to continue living his life, not to replace my mom, as she is irreplaceable.

It is entirely possible that he was attracted to her youth and vitality in a bid to re-energise his life by learning new things - seeing the world through younger eyes - a different perspective for him to enjoy.

 

[Alia]

Puspa, I can really feel how Sue felt. I’m so grateful that you shared her story. I don’t want to be on Sue’s shoes, losing her dad in such tragic way.

Don’t know how long I still have the chance, but I got to make him happy with the rest of his life, because its all that matters. I couldn’t hurt him in any possible way. If that means accepting this woman as his new wife, I’m going to give my self a try. I can try to take this uncomfortable feelings, feeling of betrayed, feeling like losing my mom twice, let them all to vanished in exchange of his happiness. At least one day I can say that I’ve tried.

 

[Alia]

& be prepared for the other info to be that she is pregnant- it could well be the news he held back.

oh my god.....

 

[Alia]

@alia: a bit of warning: no matter how mad you are, somehow, get over it soon. Holding on your anger and grudge will only ruin your own life. You'll waste days (or weeks, or months, or years) of happiness -- and it's not just you, but your family -- you're children and your husband's as well.

Thank you, I'm trying.