Jokes

[vocalneal]

I was just reading about someone who bought a dildo farm.

Apparently everything was going fine; then the squatters moved in.

 

[vocalneal]

Polar bear walks into a bar and says

"A pint of bitter please and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh............cheese and onion sandwich"

The barman replies "why the big pause?"

 

[vocalneal]

You can say what you like about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly near schools.

 

[vocalneal]

Last night after a few beers my mate asked if he could stay on my sofa

I had to explain to him that I'm married now so that's where I sleep

 

[vocalneal]

There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

Bloody Foreigner.

 

[vocalneal]

Today is Africa Day. So we should not forget what Jesus told the African?

"Sit under that tree and don't do anything until I get back"

 

[kratos]

(how to introduce girlfriend to the family)

Me: I want you to meet my Girlfriend, Emily
Emily: Hi....
Wife: what the fuck is this ?

 

[vocalneal]

A dung beetle walks into a bar, and asks the bartender "is this stool taken"?

 

[Vicissidude]

Today is Africa Day. So we should not forget what Jesus told the African?

"Sit under that tree and don't do anything until I get back"

Suddenly our conversation in the other thread makes more sense. WTF man...

 

[jstar]

There's a Polish bloke next door.

When asked who my favorite painter was, during a museum visit lately, I had to answer: "That must be Piotr, the Polish guy who just did my kitchen...".

 

[Vanhelsing]

I wonder if there's such a thing as Positive Tourette Syndrome.

"I REALLY LIKE YOUR F!@#$%^ DRESS!!!"

 

[vocalneal]

Suddenly our conversation in the other thread makes more sense. WTF man...

Get a life. It's a f***ing joke.

 

[Vicissidude]

Get a life. It's a f***ing joke.

It's a f***ing joke enjoyed by f***ing racists and made at the expense of oppressed people. There, I fixed it for you.

 

[Davita]

It's a f***ing joke enjoyed by f***ing racists and made at the expense of oppressed people. There, I fixed it for you.

Isn't that why the thread title is called jokes....the above is not a joke. If you wish to debate oppression or racism...why not start your own thread.

 

[dafluff]

Moderation note:

Just a reminder that we do frown on racism. We can possibly make exception for artistic expression or jokes, but in order for them to qualify as jokes, they have to be funny.

Also, please do not derail the thread. If you feel a discussion about another issue is necessary, you may start another thread.

 

[fastpitch17]

Isn't that why the thread title is called jokes....the above is not a joke. If you wish to debate oppression or racism...why not start your own thread.

Perhaps certain jokes should be only allowed in the Cage if they deal with what some could easily perceive as a sensitive subject instead of the open Forum where new viewers could be turned off by them.

 

[Vicissidude]

Sorry guys, didn't realize we can make jokes but not discuss them. So here's a joke...

A dude was walking in the desert and came across a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie popped out.

Genie: "I will grant you three wishes, anything you want, but that same wish will be granted two-fold to a racist piece of s*** on your favorite forum."

Dude: "I want a Ferrari."

Poof! A ferrari appeared.

Genie: "Here's your Ferrari. That racist piece of s*** on your favorite forum now has two Ferraris."

Dude: "I want a million dollars."

Poof! A briefcase containing a million dollars appeared.

Genie: "Here's your million dollars. That racist piece of s*** on your favorite forum now has two million dollars. You have one more wish."

Dude: "Beat me half to death."

 

[Davita]

Wow! DHL just delivered me two Ferraris and Western Union a couple of million bucks and somebody called Jeannie came by and we had unbelievable sadistic sex as she kept beating me.... so I gave her one of the Ferraris and half the money.

 

[Vicissidude]

Wow! DHL just delivered me two Ferraris and Western Union a couple of million bucks and somebody called Jeannie came by and we had unbelievable sadistic sex as she kept beating me.... so I gave her one of the Ferraris and half the money.

What?! That fake ass genie broke our contract! Perhaps you're just too big and stong to be killed. You must be a wet shaver.

 

[vocalneal]

My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house.
So I lifted a finger.

Apparently, it was the wrong one.