Pallative care

William King

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FIL is in a bad way. The big C.

What options do we have regarding palliative care here? Units?

In home help?

Not really sure where to start.
 
Big hugs KW,

I'm not too sure about what is available in your area- I will ask around as I have some connections there
(Bekasi? correct me if I'm wrong)
I have spent quite a bit of my life working with sick and dying people & could probably come over to go through a needs assessment with you.
I think it is good that you recognise that you do get help in some way & not try to go it alone unless you have some experience. It is a hard road.
If there is nothing professional set up where you are maybe you could ask around friends and family & hire a nurse to come in.
Don't forget to consult with FIL in all of this as what we want as loved ones might be quite the opposite of what the patient wants.
 
Awesome, thanks so much. I asked some nurses here, and they didn't know anything about palliative care.
 
the important thing, looking long term, if you are close to the patient - do everything you can for them.
I can't emphasise this enough- especially your wife as it is her dad. She is in for a rough ride emotionally.
Make time for them. Be kind to them. Mop up the vomit with love & tenderness. Clean up the poop and all that goes with it.
Because when they have gone, one of the stages of grief is guilt- and if you have done everything you can, you get an easier ride on the guilt trips and can then focus much more easily on the happier stuff.

Also do daft stuff to alleviate the gloom.
I would walk in on my gran as she was sat bored watching TV & flash my boob at her or moon her with my ass- random. Be playful as much as possible.
Her response to these things is what I eat my best giggles off:
"Ya daft BUGGER!!" "Tha gormless" (Broad Yorkshire)
Also I found food was a major thing- I would often cook up (*slave for hours in creating this wondrous meal) what was her fave meal (at her request) & find she would take a taste of it then ask if we had any tinned salmon or egg & chips.
I like to think it wasn't out of pure contrariness (though most likely a 50:50 split) but because the appetite goes & it takes a lot of effort to get nutrients in.
Also don't be hard on yourself, it is natural to feel angry, frustrated, & a whole spectrum of negative emotions- if you do vent at the patient just be sure to say sorry & that the pressure just built up. None of us is superhuman, we all have our limits. Palliative care in the home sure shows us what those limits are in a very short time.
 
* not advising you to go flashing your privates at your FIL... just making that clear.
 
Well hope all goes well for you KW, my FIL has old age problems, we wanted him to come to us but no way would he leave his Kampung, broke his hip, wife had to go and help him, fortunately she has three sisters and other relatives and they all helped, but it was stressful time as basically some areas you are on your own, so I hope things work out for you
 
My heart goes out to you. I'e gone thru the same thing with my MIL and as heart watching as it is , it can also be a time of joy. Spend the time and the effort and you will have no regets. Thoughts, prayers and blessing to you.
 

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