Money transfer stolen

It's kind of hard to say what is the focus of threat since everybody under the sun (strike that, every Indonesian under the sun) was accused in vile terms or had their integrity questioned. The transfer error of your wife seemed to be just a vehicle.

When did I ever say anything about Indonesians in general? I said 'the general level of the population in the locality'. That's about my area, which is a small part of Indonesia, and I wouldn't presume to speak for areas I have no experience of, or imply or assume that it is representative.

ps I wonder how shrill a comment has to be in your world to meet the definition of histrionic.


I don't know, your comments seems pretty shrill to me tbh.
 
sumyunggai said:
When did I ever say anything about Indonesians in general? I said 'the general level of the population in the locality'.

C'mon, sumyunggai - own up. Your OP sounded very frustrated and nasty in general. When you characterize the "polite" version of your opinion as thinking that certain people are "stupid," one can only imagine how nasty the impolite (ie., honest and unvarnished) version would be. And you can't blame anyone for thinking that by "locality" you meant Indonesia. I certainly read your OP that way.

I feel kind of sorry for you. It must be terrible going through life thinking your own wife is stupid. A wife, or a husband, should be a person you respect, love, and trust. What a shame you don't have that in your life.
 
C'mon, sumyunggai - own up. Your OP sounded very frustrated and nasty in general.

It was the middle of the night and I was being told that due to carelessness and fraud 22.5 million rupiah was missing.

When you characterize the "polite" version of your opinion as thinking that certain people are "stupid," one can only imagine how nasty the impolite (ie., honest and unvarnished) version would be.

That presumes that (more-or-less) anonymous posters on internet forums generally varnish their opinions for the sensitivities of their fellow anonymous posters. There is substantial evidence that the reverse is true.

And you can't blame anyone for thinking that by "locality" you meant Indonesia. I certainly read your OP that way.

Why would someone go to the trouble of writing 'locality', when they mean Indonesia generally? That makes no sense at all. I don't presume in the slightest to speak for Indonesia which is hugely diverse; there are also certain circumstances in my area that also inform people's behaviour.

I feel kind of sorry for you. It must be terrible going through life thinking your own wife is stupid. A wife, or a husband, should be a person you respect, love, and trust. What a shame you don't have that in your life.

Different people have different circumstances and different priorities, who would have thought it?
 
Different people have different circumstances and different priorities, who would have thought it?

Ouch. You seriously mean to say that having a spouse you respect, love, and trust is NOT a priority for you? Well, to each his own. But now I feel sorry for your wife.
 
Ouch. You seriously mean to say that having a spouse you respect, love, and trust is NOT a priority for you? Well, to each his own. But now I feel sorry for your wife.


No I didn't mean to say that; had I meant to say that I would have written that. There are MANY different priorities in a relationship, and there are also many different inputs (circumstances) to that relationship, which may mean that some priorities may come above others either in terms of what you want, or in terms of what you experience (the two may not be the same).
 
No I didn't mean to say that; had I meant to say that I would have written that. There are MANY different priorities in a relationship, and there are also many different inputs (circumstances) to that relationship, which may mean that some priorities may come above others either in terms of what you want, or in terms of what you experience (the two may not be the same).

I hope its ok to side track between you and puspa, but I wanted the input of what would happen if say sumyunggai was to sit down with his MIL, and ask her what happened, why she didnt say anything earlier, what was she planning to do while her daugther was distraught and i didnt suspect the MIL and other such hard questions to find out her thought process...
I know it probably wont improve the relationship, but how would an indonesian MIL(or other such family members) react and the consequences?
 
I hope its ok to side track between you and puspa,


Absolutely! Sumyunggai clearly doesn't wish to elaborate on what is his relationship priorities are, nor is he obligated to do so. As for me, I have said my piece. Anyway, even if our discussion were ongoing, your post would still be perfectly appropriate.
 
I hope its ok to side track between you and puspa, but I wanted the input of what would happen if say sumyunggai was to sit down with his MIL, and ask her what happened, why she didnt say anything earlier, what was she planning to do while her daugther was distraught and i didnt suspect the MIL and other such hard questions to find out her thought process...
I know it probably wont improve the relationship, but how would an indonesian MIL(or other such family members) react and the consequences?

Again, I don't think you can generalise about 'Indonesian' MILs. There are quite different attitudes, even in the same area, but to a great extent predicted by ethnicity (e.g., Padang mother-in-law versus Javanese mother-in-law).

As far as my mil goes, I have said things like this to her: 'Mak, you need to do more exercise, it's not healthy to sit around the house all day, you will die sooner like that'. And her reply 'If I die soon, that's god's will'.

Anything will be rationalised away, by means of an (in fact totally irrational) explanation which means in her own mind she is not wrong. A lot of this is based on her syncretic religious views. (God works through her, apparently, and this isn't really a controversial statement for the local population.)

Essentially she behaves like a three-year-old child; she operates (to my wife) on the basis of threats of imminent death. If my wife doesn't send her money she will die, is the explicit threat. This is probably untrue, but the mere threat appears to be enough. And the money comes with no strings attached - mil's decisions are generally bad for herself and those around her, but these bad decisions to a large degree lack consequences as a result of my wife's willingness to devote much of her life to financially enabling them.
 
cost benefit analysis

Essentially she behaves like a three-year-old child; she operates (to my wife) on the basis of threats of imminent death. If my wife doesn't send her money she will die, is the explicit threat. This is probably untrue, but the mere threat appears to be enough. And the money comes with no strings attached - mil's decisions are generally bad for herself and those around her, but these bad decisions to a large degree lack consequences as a result of my wife's willingness to devote much of her life to financially enabling them.
Why not discuss with your wife the cost benefit analysis of letting "God's Will be done" sooner rather than later. :p

Again, I don't think you can generalise about 'Indonesian' MILs. There are quite different attitudes, even in the same area, but to a great extent predicted by ethnicity (e.g., Padang mother-in-law versus Javanese mother-in-law).
Yea, everyone's mum in law is different, but i was looking for some indonesian perspective, like u gave about "gods will" and your wife's high familial obligation.
 
Absolutely! Sumyunggai clearly doesn't wish to elaborate on what is his relationship priorities are, nor is he obligated to do so. As for me, I have said my piece. Anyway, even if our discussion were ongoing, your post would still be perfectly appropriate.
Its just that I felt there was an interesting conclusion forthcoming, and didnt wanna pour water on the whole thing too abruptly. :p
As a guy, I think I can understand where he is coming from. Not all relationships are as perfect as we hope it to be.... or people change.

As the saying goes, everyone is normal until you get to know them.
 
Why not discuss with your wife the cost benefit analysis of letting "God's Will be done" sooner rather than later. :p

Yeah unfortunately for me 'cost benefit analysis' is cool, but for most people here it's better to just go with it (whatever 'it' might be) and then face the consequences. Five minutes with a calculator is like the worst thing in the world, even if its obviously much better to check first before making expensive decisions.
 
Yeah unfortunately for me 'cost benefit analysis' is cool, but for most people here it's better to just go with it (whatever 'it' might be) and then face the consequences. Five minutes with a calculator is like the worst thing in the world, even if its obviously much better to check first before making expensive decisions.

"Here" being specifically the locality you live in, and not all of Indonesia, right? (Sorry, can't resist a little teasing.)
 
It's a culture full of bad people enablers and often times, every family has one (or more) bad apples in it, but usually they get away with things and the 'good kid' most of the time having to bail them out.

Yes, I liked your analysis it seems funny but true. It is not funny though if someone is not involved and they want you to be involved. There is certainly a lot of people who enable in Western culture as well and the level this can go to is mind boggling.
 
When did I ever say anything about Indonesians in general? I said 'the general level of the population in the locality'. That's about my area, which is a small part of Indonesia, and I wouldn't presume to speak for areas I have no experience of, or imply or assume that it is representative.

I stand corrected. You besmirched the character of every Indonesian in the province, or the city, or the neighborhood (hard to say what you mean by "locality") rather than Indonesians in general. Sorry for suggesting your ethnic bias is broader than you intended.
 
I guess in the end I can't find any problems when my wife transfers some money. If she doesn't get it right she normally just leaves off a 0. Works for me.
 
I stand corrected. You besmirched the character of every Indonesian in the province, or the city, or the neighborhood (hard to say what you mean by "locality") rather than Indonesians in general. Sorry for suggesting your ethnic bias is broader than you intended.


No, I said 'general level'. That doesn't mean every single Indonesian without exceptions.
 
I am overjoyed to learn you are willing to grant exceptions.
 
Your observations are colored by a willingness to ascribing derogatory traits based on membership in a group. The view, that "the general level of the population in the locality is 'crooked, and dishonest,'" led you to assume "the staff in the post office just stole the 22.5 million." This "observation of what already is" turned out to be wrong.



 

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