Jokes

This is a genuine advert for WD40 from the early 60's. I'm thinking we were really naive or that advert was ahead of its time in subtlety..........

WD40_advert.jpg
 
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One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Anytown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, and so on.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had left the church except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

Now, this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Hey! Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
 
I've recently taken up blind archery.

You should try it. you don't know what you are missing.
 
Monday is Memorial day in USA so a TV reporter went to the beach in Florida to find what young people know of the reason for 'Memorial Day'.
Classic answers.....
1. Q. This is a holiday so what is Monday?
A. The day after Sunday!
2. Q. The American Civil War was fought between the North and the?
A. South Korea!
3. Q. Who won the 'Cold War'?
A. Sudafed!
 
Akin to the 11 November in Europe?

Is the Cold War over? I don't think anyone won that one did they?
 
A guy looks over his fence to see his neighbor's little girl digging a hole.
He asked "what's the hole for?"
"I'm burying my goldfish." she replied.
"Oh! I'm sorry to hear that but why such a big hole for a little goldfish?"
She retorted......."Coz' he's inside your f**ckin' cat!"
 
World cup score.

Russia 5 Saudi Arabia 0

Looks like Saudi Arabia will beheading home soon.
 
The Provincial Governor says that the 12 soccer players still trapped in a flooded cave in Thailand will need to learn to dive before they can be rescued.
The Brazilian government has said that when the Brazilian team leaves the World Cup , Neymar will travel to Thailand to teach them.
 
Humour is highly regarded with the elderly...as it's probably the only thing left that works.......

An elderly couple
had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night.
 
Well the old memory hasn’t gone yet, but you know you are old when the RT man comes round and asks my wife not to let me take our Golden Retriever for walks as the locals don’t want me being pulled over again as they get tired of picking me up
 
Contoh Gengsi:
She (to young man): kerja apa?
He (to young woman): saya masinis kereta api.
She: Keren! Di mana?
He: Di mall Kokas.
 

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An old fellow is out walking through the park and runs into a friend he hasn't seen for many years. They are both in their 80s so sit down and reminisce. After a while, with a furtive look over his shoulder and lowering his voice, he says, "Jack Mate, are you still having sex."

"Ohh yes," Jack says. "Almost every night."

"Really?"

"Yes. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday, almost on Thursday, almost on...."
 
Good old Viz
If Max Clifford is such a PR expert why does everyone hate him and think he's a c*nt
 

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