I lived in Thailand for five years and came to Indonesia again in March last year. I lived on the outskirts of West Bangkok and now live in North Jakarta, so perhaps that is a reasonably apples to apples comparison. I've also lived in Taipei, so I'll throw that into the mix too as a large Asian city but perhaps not on the scale of Bangkok or Jakarta.
I love both Bangkok and Jakarta for their culinary options and their adopting locals, I've had a lot of positive experiences in both places and a couple of negative ones. Mostly the difference for me is that locals in Jakarta more often take the time to ask me where I'm from and why I'm here than the Thais did in Bangkok. I must say though, that I always felt welcome in Thailand, just that the locals weren't enamoured (amused) as easily just because I was foreign.
I guess there are plenty of ladies in Thailand that are gold digging after a rich farang (bule) but equally plenty of my friends are happily married and starting families there. I came back to Jakarta (I spent a year here in 2010) primarily because there is less competition for teaching jobs and thus securing a decent paying gig was a bit easier. A couple of years ago I fell over at a waterfall and had stitches on the island of Koh Kood. When the time came for the stitches to be removed, they had become infected. This meant that I had to make daily trips to the hospital in Bangkok in order to get the wound cleaned after it had been reopened, cleaned and allowed to heal. It was during one of these trips that I left my wallet in the back of the taxi with about 4,000 baht in it (I'm a dumbass and shouldn't have been carrying this much I guess). Regardless, I informed the nurseonce I had realised using my incredibly flawed Thai and she went out of her way to find the parking attendant and check the CCTV. Between them, they found the license number of the taxi that I was in, called the company and within a couple of hours the driver had returned to the hospital and returned my wallet to me. Granted, this wasn't in a tourist haunt but I felt really good about living in Thailand and about the local people there on that day.
On the negative side of things, there are times that I hate(d) both Jakarta and Bangkok. Lots of traffic, pollution and the difficulty in getting some simple things done can be a massive ball ache. However, I then have to remember why I have chosen to live in Southeast Asia and that somewhat eases my, at times, impatient bule temperament. I liked the locals in Taipei too, but I didn't really connect with the local culture as well as I feel that I do here or in Thailand. And the bonus of Taipei was the fact that you could head to places like Wulai and Yang Ming Shan NP and be in relatively natural surroundings within an hour using public transport. Bangkok, has some good public transport and that is something that I feel is still being worked on in Jakarta, however it is much better than when I was here in 2010. As far as holidaying goes, I'm more of a Lombok man than a Bali man I think. At least as far as the Kutas go!... And Taiwanese cuisine has nothing on Nasi Padang or Isaan food!
I hope at least one person can make it to the end of that without falling asleep! haha Cheers