Divorce through Kantor Agama or Civil

[Kato565]

Have finally decided to pull the trigger and bail out from a marriage to a serious female narcissist/ Avoidant. Three separate attempts at reconciliation have yielded zero results. Will I be forced to go thru Kantor Agama, as I converted to Islam, or renounce and pursue through civil court?
Which would ensure equal division of community property (house completely paid off but only in wife’s name).?

 

[marcus]

... Will I be forced to go thru Kantor Agama, as I converted to Islam, or renounce and pursue through civil court?

For Muslims it is the Religious Court / Pengadilan Agama .
I guess both of you need to choose another religion , in order to go to the Civil Court .

Which would ensure equal division of community property (house completely paid off but only in wife’s name).?

From the article below , it may be the same in both Courts .

From https://news.detik.com/berita/d-607...a-pembagian-harta-gana-gini-rumah-dan-mobil/4
Title : I'm Divorced, How is the Division of the House and Car ?
By Detikcom Team - detikNews , May 12, 2022

..... (free translation)
Filing for Division of Marital Assets.

This filing can be done in two choices of time, namely when filing for divorce or after the divorce occurs. If you want to do it together with the divorce lawsuit, then when collecting the files, the plaintiff also needs to attach a photocopy of the property ownership certificate, such as STNK, BPKB, land certificate, sales/purchase receipts, and others.
However, if the division of marital assets is done after the divorce, it is necessary to file a division and deal with the court again.
.....

 

[Kato565]

Thanks for the reply!

 

[centurion]

Have finally decided to pull the trigger and bail out from a marriage to a serious female narcissist/ Avoidant. Three separate attempts at reconciliation have yielded zero results. Will I be forced to go thru Kantor Agama, as I converted to Islam, or renounce and pursue through civil court?
Which would ensure equal division of community property (house completely paid off but only in wife’s name).?

Religious court. As a male, you have advantage and you can simply repudiate your wife trough a simple talak.

Also if you can prove that the source of money was you there could be a chance that you can get something from the property. As religious court are more male-affirmative, KUA would be maybe a good option with a good lawyer.

 

[Kato565]

Thanks, Centurion.

 

[harryopal1]

Are there children involved?

 

[Kato565]

No children

 

[Helpful Herbert]

Have finally decided to pull the trigger and bail out from a marriage to a serious female narcissist/ Avoidant. Three separate attempts at reconciliation have yielded zero results. Will I be forced to go thru Kantor Agama, as I converted to Islam, or renounce and pursue through civil court?
Which would ensure equal division of community property (house completely paid off but only in wife’s name).?

If the house is in her name, and it was bought after marriage, it's hers. I guess you could try to prove the funds originally came from you, but I think it is unlikely you would be successful in getting anything back. [also you might want to check the terms of the pre-nup]

 

[Hawk256]

If the house is in her name, and it was bought after marriage, it's hers. I guess you could try to prove the funds originally came from you, but I think it is unlikely you would be successful in getting anything back. [also you might want to check the terms of the pre-nup]

I had an older expat tell me one time many years ago to never invest more than you are willing to walk away from in any relationship, much less an international one. Expect nothing and move on, that will be the most likely outcome anyway.

 

[Balifrog]

I had an older expat tell me one time many years ago to never invest more than you are willing to walk away from in any relationship, much less an international one. Expect nothing and move on, that will be the most likely outcome anyway.

a man of wisdom and experience.

 

[Hawk256]

a man of wisdom and experience.

I agree. Probably the best single piece of advice I have ever received.

 

[Balifrog]

I agree. Probably the best single piece of advice I have ever received.

It is was I did in a previous life (mid 90's).
80k Euro house in BKK, written off as soon I paid it.
Provided a roof for my kids till they decided to move on with their own lives (youngest, 25, still lives there with his mom).
Me, I moved on, HKG, Bali just another chapter in life. Without house buying this time as :

• Too old to invest
• The Missus has hers already...

No stress !

 

[Helpful Herbert]

'Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.'
Rod Stewart

 

[Shadrach]

'Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.'
Rod Stewart

I agree with Rod. A contract is no guarantee that a woman will be faithful and live with you for life. I never understood why people bothered getting married. When they split up, which happens 99% of the time. They have to go through a horrendous court proceeding, and pay so much unnecessary money to lawyers, courts, etc.
a couple can love and live together, raise a family, just the same, without the contract on paper.

 

[Helpful Herbert]

a couple can love and live together, raise a family, just the same, without the contract on paper.

Not in Indonesia they can't!

 

[Balifrog]

I agree with Rod. A contract is no guarantee that a woman will be faithful and live with you for life. I never understood why people bothered getting married. When they split up, which happens 99% of the time. They have to go through a horrendous court proceeding, and pay so much unnecessary money to lawyers, courts, etc.
a couple can love and live together, raise a family, just the same, without the contract on paper.

Wait, wait wait...
First of all the divorce rate in the West is around 50%. Still a risky gamble, I admit.
The only reason I married (my 2nd life) is because of my job I am posted overseas, and without marriage it will be complicated not to say mission impossible if she is Asian for her to have a visa for my country, or any country I would be posted in.
Faithfull ? Come on, everybody need a bit of fun now and then ! As long it stays within certain limits (i.e. dont fall in love).

My first life (French), we just lived together. We have a kid, he has my name.
My actual life (Indo) we live together since 10 years. Things were made clear at the start. No marriage, no kids no house, no rice field !
And then there was this thing "her family will never accept". That was solved in 15 min.
We can't live together ? Off I go !
They ain't stupid, and understand basic economics.


And I never bothered to divorce life #2. Why look for stress ? Just took care of the kids.

Keep things simple.

 

[Balifrog]

Not in Indonesia they can't!

Yes they can if they want. We live together since 10 years of which 7 in Bali. And I am welcomed in her family in Java.
She is Hindu, which is probably easier, but whatever religion I would not change my position.
Just stand your point. If you give in on day one, you are screwed.
I grant that if you want kids it will be a bit more adventurous...

 

[Shadrach]

Wait, wait wait...
First of all the divorce rate in the West is around 50%. Still a risky gamble, I admit.
The only reason I married (my 2nd life) is because of my job I am posted overseas, and without marriage it will be complicated not to say mission impossible if she is Asian for her to have a visa for my country, or any country I would be posted in.
Faithfull ? Come on, everybody need a bit of fun now and then ! As long it stays within certain limits (i.e. dont fall in love).

My first life (French), we just lived together. We have a kid, he has my name.
My actual life (Indo) we live together since 10 years. Things were made clear at the start. No marriage, no kids no house, no rice field !
And then there was this thing "her family will never accept". That was solved in 15 min.
We can't live together ? Off I go !
They ain't stupid, and understand basic economics.


And I never bothered to divorce life #2. Why look for stress ? Just took care of the kids.

Keep things simple.

It sounds like you met a nice Indonesian woman with an open mind. And a family that go's along with it. I'm sure they like your money. And the part about being faithful. You seem to be able to screw around with others, with no problem. Is this also the case for the wife? Or is she tied to the stove, and not allowed?

 

[Balifrog]

It sounds like you met a nice Indonesian woman with an open mind. And a family that go's along with it. I'm sure they like your money. And the part about being faithful. You seem to be able to screw around with others, with no problem. Is this also the case for the wife? Or is she tied to the stove, and not allowed?

I don't like the term "screwing around".... I prefer "reasonable freedom".

With all my previous companions, not only the long term ones but also the medium term ones (about 10) we always lived a very libertine lifestyle for both.

For me, sex is only sex, feelings is a different matter. But hey, I am French....

On the other hand, getting a bit older, I have calmed down even I still like the hunt...

OK back to topic how to lose a house by marrying an Asian ?

 

[marcus]

... No marriage, no kids no house, no rice field ! ...

In general , I agree .

When I was single , I believed that a couple without children should live in different homes or at least in different rooms .
But due to circumstances , I ended up marrying (and living as a common married couple) .
To me , my 2 common marriages' life decreased the quality of our lives .

And I never bothered to divorce life #2. Why look for stress ? Just took care of the kids.
Keep things simple.

Divorcing in Indonesia was easy (we had no children) , no stress . I participated in the divorce of my present wife too , and was even easier (the ex-husband just disappeared leaving her with his/their own 4 children) .