Dating

Indocisive

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Feb 6, 2020
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Hi everyone,

I'm a Physics teacher from the UK (40 years old) and I've just been offered a job at an international school in Surabaya. I've also been offered a good job in China but I'm more attracted to the weather, location and the ease of learning Bahasa Indonesia. I've been living abroad for many years now and I just want to settle down. I want to call the next country I live in 'home'. However, my main and ultimate goal is to find a wife.

*It's important that I find someone well-educated (preferably educated in the West), with a liberal, open perspective on the world. How difficult is my mission?

Can someone please give me a rundown on what to expect dating in Surabaya/Indonesia? If anyone has any experience of China, that would be great too. Should I choose Surabaya over China if finding a wife like this is my goal?
 

harryopal

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Here is a link to Asian dating websites. https://www.liveabout.com/the-7-best-asian-dating-sites-1021556

I would be disinclined towards any services that seek to personally match you up with their selected lists as many of these charge exorbitant prices. You are exploring an area where the aspiration of many young or even older women is to find a rich westerner so you do need to tread carefully. Expect to get 20 or more responses a day from very young women eager to convince you that you are perfect for them, But that said there are mature women who are genuinely looking for a partner. If you stike up an online relationship bear in mind that the attractive young woman you are dealing with may be a bloke looking to slowly draw you in before telling you that "her" mother is ill and urgently needs surgery. "You seem such a kind person. Could you help us?"

If nothing else you may find it entertaining and at best you might just find the ideal person you are looking for. Enjoy the adventure
 

Jaime C

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Most Western trained graduates are more likely to stay in the west, than return to Indonesia and look for a Western husband.

Many expat teachers in Indonesia get taken advantage of. Salaries may not be that great, and the contracts are often one sided. I haven’t heard of too many expat teachers winning their contract disputes, even when it’s clear they were in the right.

Indonesia is a wonderful place, but there are many pitfalls.
 

Helpful Herbert

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As far as I know Surabaya is an alcohol free city, and a very conservative islamic place. Not sure you'd find many liberal minded or Western educated people there.
 

colroe

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A Western male from 15 to 70, no requirement for looks, no problem if missing legs/arms, BO not an issue, bad teeth - no problem, bald not an issue. Fat wallet is the main attraction! You will be swamped with offers if you let it be known you are searching for a soulmate!!! Seriously though, a spell here and spending some time in local hangouts and malls will yield a veritable smorgasbord of options, not necessarily Chinese. Buyer beware but I wish you luck!!
 

dafluff

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Help me work through the decision making process to move to a country you know little about with the ultimate goal of finding a wife. And not only that, you require a wife that is westernized, i.e practically the opposite culturally to the country you are trying to move to.

Anyway, to answer your question: My strong suspicion is that you will have a very hard time finding someone like that in Surabaya. China should be much easier, just based on the fact that many more Chinese people have been educated in the west.
 

fastpitch17

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Looking for a liberal Indonesian Woman? Look everywhere besides Indonesia. They do not exist. They may have a good story for you but it is fiction.
 

Will_M

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Few and far between. I would imagine women matching your criteria would be from the rich, educated and extremely religious families that would not allow their daughter to date a liberal westerner.
 

macvert

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Just my experience, but there are rich educated families out there (Surabaya) who are not religious ie they may be muslims but they don't visit mosques, they don't wear hijabs & they do have a dog in other words, they are pretty much like us.....but yeah, maybe few & far between.
 
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jstar

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How difficult is my mission?



As @dafluff alludes to, how the hell did you get to this point? If your ultimate goal is to find love, you will -presumably as English teacher- also find a job afterwards. Whether it's one country or the other...
 

Indocisive

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Thanks for the information guys, though not very encouraging. A friend who lived in Indonesia for 10 years told me I should look for "Chindos". Would they be a better fit for what I'm looking for? They're a minority, so I guess it won't be that easy.
 

Balifrog

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Yes. I am for real.
That's the worrying part...... Sorry.

If you want a liberal life, I would not choice Indo or China. Better options elsewhere in Asia.
Now if it HAS to be Indo or China, take a major city in China. Much more fun.

Although the timing is not right ATM and you may wait a few months ?
 

Indocisive

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If you want a liberal life, I would not choice Indo or China. Better options elsewhere in Asia.
Now if it HAS to be Indo or China, take a major city in China. Much more fun.
I'm not looking for a liberal life or nightlife. I'm not looking for ONS or FWB. I'm looking for a serious relationship with an intelligent, educated, open-minded woman in Indonesia's second biggest city. Is it really that ridiculous?
 

Jaime C

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I think finding your requirements in China would likely be more difficult than in Indonesia. Marriage ready, western educated, willing to marry a foreigner Chinese women are probably in short supply.

Having grand plans seems nice, but I’d pick the location you like most, and wait for something to organically happen.

Ten years ago I was looking for a serious girlfriend. She was looking for a husband. I was not looking for a wife. I’m married now...
 

Vanuatu

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You may have better luck with Indons over Chindos ...... I think what snpark was referring to when he asked if "you were real" was your usage of " Chindo" I have friends that I would use Chindo with and they wouldn't take offense but I wouldn't use it with people I didn't know and I'd only use Indon when making a joke or statement with someone I knew well. It's not quite the same as Bule as Bule isn't always used as often with a negative connotation. Chindo isn't always used as a negative, but it is bit more sensitive after the 98 rapes and slaughter. Indons is just what Malayasians say to upset their neighbors.

There are lot's of Chinese Indonesians women in the country, but you wouldn't endear yourself to them by calling them Chindo at first meeting. I've never met a westerner that had a difficult time meeting women in Indonesia, but meeting the right one is the tricky part. I wouldn't come with a plan to meet one from just a specific ethnic group or any plan at all, just get out there and you'll meet many, just weed through the bad ones and don't marry the first one you meet.
 

Balifrog

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I'm not looking for a liberal life or nightlife. I'm not looking for ONS or FWB. I'm looking for a serious relationship with an intelligent, educated, open-minded woman in Indonesia's second biggest city. Is it really that ridiculous?
Probably I am old fashioned.
I have never LOOKED or SEARCHED for a wife or companion, but still had 3 long term relationships in 3 different countries.
I would put the professionnal opportunities first ! There are good women all over the world.
 

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